


Unbelievable

by thesherlockianwhjustcant



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Addict!Sam, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Annoying Sam, Big Brother Dean, Bisexual Dean, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, More dominant castiel, Pining, Professor Dean Winchester, Professor Gabriel, Professor Sam, Relapsing, Reluctantly submissive dean, Sabriel friendship, Smut, Student Cas, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Topping from the Bottom, but it gets better..., drug dealer Crowley, meg and cas are besties, megstiel friendship, so are sam and gabe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:03:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5049640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesherlockianwhjustcant/pseuds/thesherlockianwhjustcant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU in which Cas is the little fucker messing with his professor's head. Hope you enjoy!</p><p>----------------------</p><p>This started out as a one-shot, but it's obviously a multi-chapter now, so it's a little bit more complicated than what it says above. But, if you just want a one-shot, the first chapter can stand alone, and you don't have to read past there. Thanks, everyone! Enjoy!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Un- _fucking_ -believable. No. This was _not_ happening. Nope. Not to Dean fucking Winchester.

 

Dean’s freshman-level English class quieted down as he walked into the room. He scanned the class, hoping not to find a certain pair of blue eyes. His heart sank when he saw them. Or did it flutter? He couldn’t tell.

He averted his gaze and took his place at the front of the room. “All right, so I need you all to drop your papers here in the front. I’ll try to have them graded by next week, but I can’t promise anything.”

After everyone turned in their papers, Dean looked back out at the class only to find a student’s hand raised. “Um, Professor?”

“Yes?” Dean responded.

“What exactly do we need to have ready for next class?”

Dean suppressed the urge to sigh. This kid’s enthusiasm was exhausting. “It’s Kevin right?” The kid nodded. “Well, Kevin, I post all the assignments online, so if you check later tonight and something is posted, your question will be answered.” Kevin looked unsatisfied by this answer, but he slumped back in his chair and didn’t say anything else. Without further ado, Dean addressed the class. “Before we begin the next novel, I’d like to show you this documentary. It will hopefully give you an insight into what the time-period, in which the novel takes place, was like. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy it.” Dean set up the movie and started it. He sat in his chair at the front of the room and tried not to look in the back. Tried not to seek out those sparkling blue eyes.

About twenty minutes into the movie, the kid--Castiel, he thought his name was--came up to him. He fucking _bent down_ to speak into his ear. “Do you mind if I go to the bathroom?” _Jesus fucking christ, his fucking voice_. Dean nodded, not wanting his voice to betray his arousal. Castiel stood upright and left the room to do his business. But, shit, Dean couldn’t help but think about him. That _voice_. Cas barely spoke up in class, and he’d never really noticed how _deep_ his voice was. And, to hear it whispered, all raspy and breathy... fuck. He was half-hard just from that.

Before he knew it, thoughts of that voice screaming his name, begging for it...

He stood up abruptly, trying his best to conceal the tenting in his pants. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he managed to mumble on his way out.

He just _had_ to get this out of his system. He could feel that this wasn’t going away unless he dealt with it. So, that’s what he had to do.

He pushed his way into the floor’s bathroom, practically ran into a stall and locked the door. He shoved his pants down, spit on his palm, and gripped himself. He almost moaned from the contact. _Damn, I need this_. He started out slow, but he couldn’t make it last, no matter how much he wanted to drag it out, make himself sweat. He still had a class. He started stroking himself faster, more roughly. He closed his eyes, thinking about those baby blues. He let a moan escape his lips.

“Is that you, Professor?”

Dean stopped cold, mouth gone dry.

“You thinkin’ about me?”

_This isn’t happening._

“You think I didn’t notice the tent in your pants when I spoke in your ear?”

_No, this isn’t happening._

“You go on, don’t let me interrupt you.”

And, with that, Dean heard the door to the bathroom open and close.

After a few seconds, Dean, still achingly hard, resumed jerking himself off. Cause, _god damn_ , that voice. That _taunting_ voice. He wasn’t gonna last. He just couldn’t. _You thinkin’ about me?_

“Fuck, yeah, I am.” Dean mumbled, and after a few quick strokes, he came in his hand. Panting, he leaned his arm against the stall door, resting his head against it. _What the fuck just happened?_

He pulled up his pants, washed his hands, and went back to his class. All his students were sitting quietly, watching the movie. Well, _almost_ all of them. You see, there was this one... this one _fucker_ sitting in the back. Watching _him_. With a fucking _smirk_ on his face.

Dean felt those blue eyes follow him as he took his seat again. And, he didn’t feel them leave his face until class was over, everyone left, and he was alone at last. He slumped forward, resting his head in his hands.

Un- _fucking_ -believable. No. This was _not_ happening. Nope. Not to Dean fucking Winchester. He was not fantasizing about a student. Nope. That couldn’t happen.

Oh, but it could. And, it was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I could easily make this into a multi-chapter fic if you all liked it, so let me know what you thought in the comments, and I can add more if you want! It might not be a lot, but I'll try!
> 
> Also, check out my other fic, Nothing to See Here! If you liked this one, you'll definitely like my other one. It's a multi-chapter Destiel fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading, lovelies!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, per request, I am going to make this a multi-chapter fic. Sure, I only got a few comments, but maybe I actually wanted to make this multi-chapter (I do what I want). XD 
> 
> Soooo, here is the next installment!! Hope ya'll enjoy!!!!!! 
> 
> Happy reading!

The next class came too soon for Dean. He even debated canceling class, but he couldn’t. He had to discuss the book. He had to. Besides, maybe he wouldn’t be there. Maybe he’d skip.

Of course, Dean had no such luck. He trudged into class five minutes late and muttered a welcome under his breath. The class was about half-full, but that wasn’t abnormal.

The kid in the front--Kevin--sat eagerly awaiting Dean’s instructions. The other students waited patiently with little interest. Well, except for that little shit in the back. Besides him, everyone was completely normal.

So, Dean started class. He discussed the novel with the few students who actually spoke up, and he was content with that. If he didn’t speak up, Dean didn’t have to look at him. Didn’t have to speak to him. He was able to completely focus on the active students. Kevin was particularly excited to discuss the book.

“So, basically, the destruction of their relationship resembles how their parents’ separation affected them, and it even shows how their struggles at school seep into their everyday lives,” he said.

Dean nodded along and agreed. “Yeah, I think that’s a great interpretation. Anyone else have any other thoughts?”

It was quiet for a few moments, and Dean was about to continue and change the subject when he spoke up. “Actually, I think the destruction of the sisters’ relationship is much more than that.”

 _Dammit_. Dean dragged his eyes to the back of the class, only to rest on taunting blue ones. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, Mr. Winchester,” _god damn, that voice_ , “I think it really shows how they’re changing, ya know? Birdie is constantly changing, constantly adapting to her surroundings, much like the creatures of Elemeno. Whereas Cole is changing permanently, it seems. She feigns disinterest when her dad teaches her his theories, yet she’s learning them and understanding them. She believes them, and she grows distant from her mother because of it, which in turn takes her further from Birdie as well.”

That was a _damn_ good analysis, and Dean would be lying if that didn’t make him admire the kid... even if he was a little shit. “Yeah, uh,” he stumbled over his words. “That’s a good analysis. I think you’re right...” Castiel noticed how he stumped Dean, and his lips curved up at the corners, just slightly, barely noticeable. But, Dean noticed it, noticed the playfulness in his eyes.

Thankfully, another girl spoke up, forcing Dean to tear his gaze away and focus on something--someone--else.

The class ended about fifteen minutes later, and Castiel didn’t speak up again. He just sat in the back quietly observing, but Dean could _feel_ his stare on him the entire time. Finally, when class was over, he was glad he wouldn’t have to see him until the following Monday.

But of course, he was wrong.

Castiel waited until everyone was gone before walking up to Dean. Dean actually hadn’t noticed he hadn’t left, and he was surprised to find him standing in front of his desk waiting for Dean to look up.

“What happened today, Professor?”

Dean’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “I’m sorry?”

Castiel leaned forward, too close for Dean’s comfort, and said, “You barely looked at me. What’s up with that?” The kid actually sounded hurt, _for fuck's sake_.

 _Damn that voice._ Dean shook his head. “Look, uh, Castiel, I don’t, uh--”

Castiel laughed as he stumbled over his words. “Hahaha, _ohhh_ , winding you up is just _too_ fun.”

And, with that, he walked out of the room, leaving Dean standing there dumbfounded.

_ What the fuck? _

 

 

Dean couldn’t focus for the rest of the day, and he was so _pissed_ at Castiel. So, so pissed. Every time, he sat down to do something, his thoughts drifted off to him, to those sparkling blue eyes and that gravelly, _deep_ voice. And, next thing he knew, he was fantasizing about having him under him. _Jesus, what the hell is happening?_

It was half past midnight, and Dean lay awake in his bed, thinking about how his name would sound if it were screamed in ecstasy in that deep, gravelly voice. Thinking about what it would be like to stare into those blue eyes as he watched him crumble into pieces.

It was six hours before he had to get up in the morning, and he couldn’t fall asleep because of some little shit in his freshman English class. _Dammit all to hell._

He tried to will away his erection, but no matter what he did, his thoughts kept circling back to Castiel. So, Dean decided to just deal with it. He _had_ to. Or, he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

He kicked his sheets down to the footboard and reached for the lube in his bedside drawer. He haphazardly lubed up his hand before gripping himself and stroking hard and fast. He didn’t want to enjoy this. He didn’t want to drag it out. He just wanted to get this out of his system and go to sleep.

He tried so desperately to think of something other than _him_ , anything. But, as he got closer and closer to his release, he couldn’t control the direction of his thoughts anymore. He imagined watching Castiel suck him down. He imagined fucking him hard into the mattress, so hard the headboard slammed against the wall.

“Shit,” Dean groaned as that image circled his mind. And, he thought about Castiel screaming his name, begging for it harder, faster. He imagined him gripping his ass, pulling him deeper. “Yes, yes, _yessss_.” He thrusted up into his hand once more as he came.

He lay there, catching his breath, intending to wipe himself clean before falling asleep. But, he couldn’t keep his eyes open, and within five minutes he was in a deep sleep.

And, he dreamt of boys with blue eyes and dark hair. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, whoo!! Thanks to everyone who leaves kudos! It makes my day!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

Dean canceled class on Monday. He may or may not have been out way too late on Sunday, and he had a massive hangover. So, he canceled all of his classes. He just didn’t want to deal with anything today. He kept his office hours open, though because he needed to do some work, and it was that time of the semester when students started asking for help.

He sat in his cold, small office on the bottom floor of the English building and graded papers for _hours_. He didn’t move for almost six hours until someone startled him by knocking loudly on his door. “Dean! I thought you canceled your classes.”

Dean cringed at Charlie’s loud, cheery voice. _How the hell is she not hungover from last night?_ “Dude, volume check.” Charlie giggled and took a seat in front of his desk. “I may have drunk too much last night.”

She laughed again. “Oh, Dean. You used to be so much better at this drinking thing.” Dean gave her a _suck my juices_ look and shook his head.

“Anyway, yeah, I did cancel, but I still have work to do. Just didn’t feel like teaching.”

Charlie nodded. “Makes sense. Well, I’m about to go grab some lunch with Benny and some other people... You can come if you want.”

Dean would love that, he really would, but it depended on who those other people were. “Who else?”

Charlie shifted in her seat. “Um, I think Benny said it was gonna be me, him, Jo, Gabriel, Meg, and, uh, I think Sam, but he may not--”

Dean cut her off. “I think I’m good. You enjoy your lunch.”

Charlie shook her head at him. “When are you guys going to move past this? This is just childish!”

Dean clenched his jaw, picked up his pen, and looked back down at the paper in front of him. “You can close the door on your way out.”

Charlie sighed but didn’t say anything else, and she got up and left him, just as he asked, closing the door forcefully. Dean cringed. He didn’t mean to be stand-offish to Charlie. She was his best friend, but she was also friends with Sam... And, Dean wasn’t quite ready to talk to him yet. Not after what he did. Not after he--

A knock on his door interrupted his inner-monologue. “Come in,” he said. He was still looking over the paper when the door opened, and someone walked in, stopping just in front of his desk.

“Hello, Professor.”

_Shit, not this kid_. Dean looked up almost angrily, a frown on his face. “What can I do for you?”

Castiel smiled and closed the door. “Well, I was wondering if you’ve graded my paper yet?”

_That’s what he wants?_ “Uh... I don’t know, let me check... It’s Castiel...?”

“Novak,” he supplied.

Dean sifted through the graded pile and found his among them. He looked for the grade. _Shit, he got a 100._ “Yeah, here.” He handed it to Castiel, who took it and sat in one of the chairs to look it over.

“A 100?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, uh, it was very well-written. You did a good job.”

Castiel beamed at him, and Dean would be lying if he didn’t think that look was completely adorable. “I heard you were a tough grader.”

Dean tilted his head. “I am. I don’t give 100s away like candy... just to those who deserve it.”

Castiel smiled, and _dammit, that’s a beautiful smile._ “Thank you, Professor.”

He handed Dean back the paper, but he didn’t leave, didn’t even move, really. “Something else you need?”

Castiel smirked, stood up, and leaned over the desk, his face too close for Dean’s comfort. “Is there something you need? That’s a better question.”

_God damn, that voice._ Dean felt himself thicken in his pants. _Dammit_. He wet his lips and swallowed. “I--I don’t know w-what you mean...” God, damn, he sounded pathetic.

Castiel smiled wider. “Course you don’t.” He glanced down at Dean’s lap, and Dean shifted, trying to conceal himself, but it was no use. “Want me to take care of that?”

_Yes_. “You’re my student,” he said instead.

Castiel smiled wider. “That’s not an answer.” _Smartass_. Before Dean could properly respond, Castiel walked around the desk and swilveled Dean’s chair towards him. He dropped to his knees before Dean.

“Cast--”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want this.”

He looked him in the eye, planning to do just that, but when his eyes met those hungry blue ones, nothing came out of his mouth. He couldn’t deny him because he saw that Castiel needed this as much as he did.

_Fine, we’ll do this now and just get it out of our system... then this whole thing will be behind me._

Dean nodded, and Castiel reached up and worked open Dean’s pants. He pulled out Dean’s cock and stroked it to readiness before leaning forward and sucking the head into his mouth. Dean threw his head back and gasped. He tangled his hands in the younger man’s hair as he slowly unraveled.

Turned out, Castiel was _fucking_ _great_ at giving head. He’d bring Dean to the edge of release, and then he’d stop and suck on his balls until he came down from the temporary high. Then, he’d suck Dean back into his mouth. Dean tried, multiple times, to hold Castiel’s head still and thrust in, but Castiel held him down with his free hand. Castiel was in complete control. Dean moaned loudly when Castiel sucked him down almost all the way. “ _Shit_ , man... Keep doin’ that, and I’ll-- _fuck_ , yes...” Castiel bobbed his head quickly, and Dean moaned and panted. He was almost there, just a _little_ bit more, and he’d be gone. _Come on, so close_. “C-close,” he mumbled, and Castiel stopped, releasing Dean’s dick from his mouth. And, Dean whimpered, _fucking whimpered_. Castiel stroked him with his hand lazily, teasingly, and Dean huffed. He tried to thrust his hips up to fuck Castiel’s hand, but he pushed him down.

“Uh-uh,” he said.

Dean whimpered again. “Come on, man...” He _needed_ Castiel to move, to go just a little faster. He needed it badly.

“What’s the magic word?”

_Oh, fuck this kid._ He said it anyway, his horny brain taking over. “Please... _please_...”

Then Castiel’s mouth was back on him, and he sucked _all_ of him down. He bobbed his head again, even faster this time, and it only took a few seconds before Dean gripped Castiel’s hair tightly and came. “Shit, _Cas_...”

It took him a few moments to come down from his high, but eventually, he started to come back to reality. Castiel stood up and wiped his mouth. Dean quickly tucked himself back into his pants and looked at Castiel. He was about to ask if he wanted Dean’s ‘help,’ but as if reading his mind, Castiel said, “I don’t have time to stay for much longer. I have a class in...” he checked his watch, “...about ten minutes.”

He started to turn away, but Dean caught his wrist. Castiel let out a surprised yelp as he was pulled down into a lip-bruising kiss. At first, he didn’t do anything. He was stiff and surprised. Dean didn’t blame him. Hell, _he_ was surprised by his actions. But, just when Dean was about to pull away, Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and pulled him closer, kissing back forcefully and taking control of the kiss.

After a few seconds, Dean pulled away. “Get, you have class,” he said.

Castiel huffed out a laugh and stood up. “See ya later, then.”

“See ya, Cas.”

Dean didn’t see it, but Cas blushed from his new nickname as he left. Cas didn’t know it, but Dean was thinking, _okay, maybe we’ll have to do that a few more times before I can really get it out of my system..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter, but it's a bit more plot-oriented. Hope you enjoy it!

Dean didn’t see Cas for the rest of the week. When he walked into class on Friday, he couldn’t decide if he should be relieved or worried that Cas wasn’t sitting in the back of the room. He pushed his thoughts aside, though, and led the class through a half-hearted discussion of the book and let them out early. He had office hours afterwards, so he went to his office, thinking of nothing but the absent boy in his class.

He sat down at his desk and stared at the stack of papers. He really didn’t want to grade right now, so instead of actually doing anything, he just stared at the stack, willing them to grade themselves.

Then, someone knocked on his door, and he cleared his throat. “Come in.”

Gabriel poked his head in and asked, “You busy?”

Dean mentally groaned, he knew why he was here, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it right now, but he shook his head anyway. “Nah, come on in.”

Gabriel walked in and took a seat in front of Dean’s desk. He was quiet for a long time before finally saying, “You have a tiny office.” He looked around the room with a somewhat disgusted look on his face.

Dean sighed. “You didn’t come here to critique my office space. Just spit it out, Gabe, I don’t have time for this.”

Gabriel smiled and pulled a lollipop from his pocket. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth before saying, “Thought you said you weren’t busy.”

Dean sighed again. It was too easy for Gabriel to tick him off. “Look, Gabriel, seriously--”

Gabriel held up his hands, taking out the lollipop as he did. “Fine, fine... I’m worried about Sam.”

Dean frowned. That wasn’t what he was expecting. He shrugged. “Why’re you coming to me? You’ve never needed my help getting his attention before.”

Gabe shook his head. “This is different.”

Dean frowned again. Gabe and Sam were close, and Gabe and him weren’t. They barely tolerated each other for Sam’s sake. Times like this--when Gabriel and Dean were alone--were rare, and they were usually the result of waiting on Sam to show up for something. But, this was different. If Dean was right, Gabriel came here to ask Dean for advice--to help Sam. “What do you mean?”

Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek, eyes unfocused. He wasn’t all there, and Dean could tell it was because of whatever was going on with Sam. “He’s just... acting oddly.” He shook his head and put the lollipop back in his mouth before elaborating. “The other day, I came home late--maybe nine or ten. He’s usually home by then, but he wasn’t there. I thought maybe he just had a long day, like I did, but he still wasn’t home at eleven or midnight. I tried texting him, to see where he was. He never responded... I went to bed, thinking maybe he got lucky or something... He came home at like three in the morning. The next day, I tried to ask him, but he just brushed me off... Then yesterday, same thing happened... I dunno what’s up with him, and I’m just worried...”

“You could be right. He could just be getting lucky...”

Gabriel shook his head. “He’d have told me.”

Dean shrugged. “Look, what do you want me to do about it?”

“Talk to him.”

Dean laughed. “Hell, no. You know we aren’t talking right now.”

Gabriel shook his head angrily. “Come on, Dean! This is your brother we’re talking about!”

Dean gritted his teeth. “Look, I can’t do anything for him right now... He won’t listen to me anyway.” He took a deep breath. “It’s only happened twice. That’s not really a pattern, Gabe. He could just be out partying or something. It’s not enough to get our panties in a twist... If it starts happening more often, and it gets worse, let me know... but, I’m telling you, it’s probably nothing.”

Gabriel looked ready to scream his lungs out at Dean about how wrong he was when-- _thank the good lord in heaven_ \--Cas walked in.

“I need to speak with this student, Professor. So, if you wouldn’t mind?” Dean gestured for Gabriel to leave, and he did, but not after staring Dean down for another ten seconds. He closed the door on his way out.

“What’d you do to piss off Professor Dickhead?”

Dean chuckled at his nickname. “Nothing. What are you doin here, Cas?”

Cas tilted his head to the side and frowned. _God damn, that look is adorable._ “I came to see if I missed anything from the past two days of class.”

 _Of course he did._ “Right, um... we just discussed the book. You really didn’t miss much.”

Cas nods. “I missed _you_.”

_He didn’t mean it that way, he didn’t mean it that way, he didn’t mean it that way..._

“I wanted to go to class... see your pretty face, but I was... otherwise occupied.”

Dean couldn’t think of anything to say to that, really, so he just said, “Right.”

Cas smirked. “It really is fun to wind you up.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably. It was completely _unfair_ that this kid had _this_ fucking effect on him.

Cas sat down in the seat Gabriel vacated, and said, “I can’t chat long, got a class in ten minutes.”

_But you skip my class?_

He slid Dean a notepad and pen. “Scribble down your number, would ya?”

 _Since when do people write their numbers down anymore?_ He wrote his number down anyway and pushed the pad back to Cas.

“Thanks.” He got up and started to leave.

“Wait, Cas, where do you think you’re goin?”

“To my class, Professor... Or do you have something else for me to do?”

Dean wanted to push him against the door and fuck him right then and there, but he knew that was stupid. Instead, he got up and turned Cas around to face him. Then, he crushed their lips together. Cas responded in kind and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck pulling him closer. Cas pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth, and Dean fucking _groaned_ into the kiss. He pulled Cas closer, needing him to be closer.

This kiss went on for too long, and they broke the kiss only to catch their breath. But, they didn’t pull away from each other. Dean swallowed and was about to say something when Cas beat him to it.

“I saw your brother the other night.”

Dean pushed himself away from Cas. “How the hell do you know my brother?”

Cas gave him a look that said _really?_ “He teaches my intro to American Law class.”

 _Of course he does_. “Why should I care that you saw him?”

“Rumor is you guys are pretty close...” He frowned before saying, “But, you guys aren’t talking right now, right?”

Dean shook his head. _How the hell does this kid know about my life?_ “How the fuck do you know that?”

“Anna’s my sister.”

 _Of fucking course, she is!_ “Right... well, we aren’t on good terms right now. That’s why Gabriel was here.” He sighed. “You didn’t answer my question. Why should I care you saw him? People see other people everyday! It’s not that big a coincidence.”

Cas shrugged. “Just thought you’d want to know I saw him buying heroine.” He turned to leave. “But, maybe that doesn’t really concern you.” Then, he left.

Dean closed his eyes and sighed, leaning against his desk. _Gabriel is right... It isn’t nothing..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and plot, whoo!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but I've been super busy with school, and I probably won't be able to update again until after finals, so I hope this is enough to hold you over! Thanks everyone for reading!!
> 
> Happy reading!!

Dean called Gabriel after debating with himself on what to do for three hours, all while grading papers. Gabriel doesn’t know about Sam’s drug problem. No one does. Dean helped him get clean the last time, and they both agreed to keep it on the down-low. But, now, Sam was relapsing, and Dean couldn’t do this alone, not again. So, he called Gabriel, who answered on the fifth ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, uh, look, I’ve thought about what you said. I think I know what’s going on... We need to talk about it in person, though. You free to meet for coffee?”

“Sure, meet you at the coffee shop in the main lobby in ten minutes?”

Dean checked his watch. “Yeah, sounds good. See ya then.” They hung up before saying goodbye, and Dean rubbed his eyes. _This is not gonna be easy_.

He packed up all his things and headed to the coffee shop. He bought a coffee and sat at a table in the far left corner, waiting for Gabe. He showed up five minutes later and scanned the shop for Dean. When he found him, he picked up his pace and sat in front of him.

“Hey,” Dean greeted him.

Gabe nodded. “So, why the change of heart?”

Dean grimaced. “You were right, okay? It’s not nothing...”

Gabriel waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, he sighed and said, “ _And_? You said you think you know what’s up, so what’s up?”

Dean sighed. Even though he and Sam weren’t talking right now, it was still hard for him to break his trust. But, he needed his help, so Dean had to tell Gabriel. He had no other choice. “He’s relapsing.”

Gabriel frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Sam has a drug problem. Heroine. He was clean for a good five years, and now... well, he’s relapsing.”

Gabriel’s frown deepens. “How did I not know about this?”

Dean shrugged. “I helped him get clean, and we both agreed to keep it between us. Having that kind of problem, addiction, whatever you want to call it... it follows you around and not in a good way. So, we just didn’t tell anyone. It was before he met you anyway...”

Gabriel shook his head, worry written all over his face. “So, what do we do?”

“Find his stash. Confront him. Help him.” Dean paused. “Whether he wants it or not.”

Gabriel chewed on his bottom lip before saying, “Can you come help me look? I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for.”

Dean hesitated. Sure, he wanted to help Sam, but when he said he and Sam weren’t on good terms, he meant it. “Is he home?”

Gabe rolled his eyes. “You two have _got_ to get over this! Your brother needs help, Dean! And, right now, you’re the _only one_ who knows what the fuck to do to help him! So, swallow your pride, grow the fuck up, and help him.” He got up angrily and stormed out. Dean, muttering curse words under his breath, rushed to follow him.

He caught up to him in the parking lot. “Hey!” Gabe stopped and turned around. “We can take my car.” Gabe nodded slowly and followed him to his car. They got in and rode in silence to Gabriel and Sam’s apartment.

Dean pulled up to their apartment building about twenty minutes later. He parked, cut the engine and got out. “His car’s gone,” Gabe noted.

“Good, maybe we won’t run into him,” Dean said. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Gabriel nodded and led the way to his apartment. They went in and immediately started searching for Sam’s stash. Dean knew just where to look too. It only took them a few minutes to find it. It was in his sock drawer, all the way tucked in the back corner. Same place as last time. And, when Dean found it, his heart sank. Finding the drugs and the needle and the tourniquet... it made it all real. Sam was relapsing. After almost _five_ and a half years, he was relapsing. Dean hadn’t wanted to believe it, but it was true. He was holding the bag of drugs and drug-related materials in his left hand as the reality of it all set in. He backed up slowly to the bed and sat down. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. _What am I going to do?_ He wondered what caused this relapse. His first thought, _it’s my fault... because I shut him out and refuse to talk to him... this is my fault._

Gabriel came into Sam’s room, saying, “So, there’s nothing in the bathroom, but--” He cut himself off when he realized Dean had already found it. He walked over and sat next to Dean on the bed. “What do we do now?”

Dean stared at the bag in his hands and considered the question. He was quiet for a long time before finally responding. He blinked and stood up and said, “We get rid of them. And, we make sure this is the only stash. Check his other dresser drawers and his nightstand.” Dean left him to rummage through the other drawers in Sam’s room and went to the bathroom. Not having faith in Gabriel’s drug-locating skills, he checked it one more time, and upon finding it clean, he opened up the toilet and dumped the heroine into the toilet. He didn’t give it one look before flushing it. Then, he broke the needle in two and threw it away too. Not much he could do about the tourniquet, so he just threw it away as is. Gabriel came in a few minutes later with another bag, filled with similar contents, except this one had some weed in it too. Dean poured the heroine in the toilet, and considered keeping the joints for himself but decided against it. He flushed it all. Then, he threw away the other needle and tourniquet. “Is that it?” He asked Gabriel, who nodded. “You sure?”

“I checked everywhere you told me to check,” Gabe said defensively.

Dean took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, okay, good...”

“What now?”

Dean shrugged. “Now comes the hard part: telling him we know about his problem and that we are here to help him.”

Gabriel gave him a skeptical look. “And, how do we do that exactly?”

Dean shrugged. “Wait for him to come home, and then just say it... Not much to it really. It’s just hard because he’s not gonna want to hear it.”

Gabe nodded. “So, what do we do until he gets back?”

Dean shrugged again. “What do you normally do on Friday nights?”

Gabriel smirked and wiggled his eyebrows, and Dean immediately regretted asking that question.

Turned out, Gabriel was just teasing earlier because he and Dean didn’t do anything that night. Gabriel was too worried about Sam to do anything other than sit around the apartment watching TV. They watched hours of Netflix. And, at some point, Dean found himself shaking himself awake. He looked over to the other side of the couch where Gabriel was sitting only to find him dead asleep. Dean grimaced and turned the volume down on the TV, not wanting to disturb him. And, he was about to fall asleep not five minutes later when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Unknown number: _what are you doing?_

Dean frowned and put his phone back, only for it to buzz two seconds later.

_It’s Cas btw._

Dean silently groaned. _What does this kid want?_ He saved his number in his phone and responded.

D: _What do you want?_

C: _i asked what were you doing??_

D: _I’m just sitting at home watching some bullshit tv show on Netflix. Why do you care?_

C: _because you interest me, Dean... is it all right if i call you Dean?_

Dean’s frown deepened. _What was happening?_

D: _whatever, I don’t have time for this_

C: _have you talked to your brother?_

D: _That’s none of your business_

Cas didn’t respond.

D: How did you see him buying drugs anyway?

C: _he buys from the same guy i buy my weed_

D: _Right_

C: _it’s true_

D: _It doesn’t matter. It isn’t any of your business_

_C: fine._

Dean didn’t know what else to say, so he just laid the phone on his chest and tried to go to sleep. But, _dammit_ , this kid was persistent.

C: _can i ask you a question?_

Dean sighed he didn’t really want to respond, but he found it hard to say no to him.

D: _If you must_

Cas took a few minutes to respond. When he finally did, Dean was confused.

C: _what’s your favorite color?_

D: _Seriously?_

C: _well, yeah..._

D: _Um... blue, I guess..._

Cas didn’t respond for a few minutes, and Dean, for whatever reason, wanted to keep talking to him, so he sent a follow-up text.

D: _What’s yours?_

He responded almost immediately.

C: _yellow_

Dean laughed.

D: _Really? Yellow?_

C: _yes, yellow_

D: _I just don’t see it_

C: _it’s a nice color!_

D: _Is it, though?_

And, their conversation went on like that until well into the night when Dean finally fell asleep around four in the morning with a smile on his face.

Dean woke up too damn early when Gabriel accidently kicked him in the thigh. “Ow!”

His yelp of pain woke Gabriel up. “Sorry,” he mumbled. Gabriel sat up and wipe his eyes. He leaned down and picked something up. “Your phone fell on the floor.” He handed it to Dean and got up to go to the bathroom. Dean looked at the time and groaned. It was only ten a.m. Too damn early. He had two unread messages, and he opened them up.

4:01 a.m., C: _YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THE MOVIES???_

4:28 a.m., C: _you probably fell asleep... good night, Dean... see ya Monday_

Dean smiled to himself as Gabe emerged from the bathroom. He put away his phone and got up to use the facilities himself. As he closed the door, he saw Gabriel wander towards Sam’s closed door.

Once he was done in the bathroom, he flushed and went out to join Gabriel to wake up Sam. But, when he walked into Sam’s room, he found Gabriel sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. “He never came home,” Gabe said, never lifting his head.

Worry washed over Dean. _He never came home. No, no, no, nonononononononono..._

_This is all my fault, all my fault, all my fault..._

Dean slumped to the floor and leaned against the door frame as thoughts of how to fix this ran through his head. _How am I going to fix this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick clarification, the Gabriel/Sam relationship isn't really supposed to be Sabriel. I haven't decided exactly what their relationship is exactly yet, but for now, they're just best friends. I might make it one-sided Sabriel where Gabe is hung up on Sam, but I haven't decided yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! So, I know it's been a WHILE, and I am SOOOOOOO SORRY!!!! Please forgive me! I had major writer's block and school and work and yeah, it's just been crazy! So, I'm sorry, again, but I think this chapter will make up for it! :) It's super long, and I thought it was shit at first, but then I re-read it, and I think it's pretty good. So, I think ya'll will enjoy it. THANKS for everyone who's reading this!
> 
> Enjoy and as always, happy reading!!

Gabriel and Dean spent the rest of the morning in a depressed-state, each of them worried sick about Sam. They ate breakfast in silence. Dean was cleaning his dish and putting it in the dishwasher when his phone rang.

He answered without looking at the ID. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Dean Winchester?” A deep, official-sounding voice was on the other line.

“This is he,” Dean said.

“This is Officer Still with the local police department. We brought in your brother Sam last night for public intoxication. He wasn’t driving or anything, but he didn’t seem to know where he was, so we brought him in for his own safety. He needs someone to come pick him up and fill out some discharge papers. He isn’t being charged with anything. We’re letting him off with a warning.”

Dean sighed--one part relieved, one part annoyed as hell. “I understand. When should I come down there?”

“As soon as possible would be best.”

“Okay. I’ll be down there soon, then. Thank you, officer.”

Gabriel shot him a worried look as he hung up. “What happened?” He asked, somewhat hysterical.

Dean sighed again and said, “Well, he spent the night in jail. Needs someone to pick him up. He isn’t being charged with anything, though.”

Gabriel sagged with relief. “Well, we should go, then.”

Dean nodded as Gabriel ran off to get his shoes on. Dean went to the living room and put on his shoes and grabbed his keys. Then, he and Gabe were off to the police department.

The drive was only about fifteen minutes, and again, Dean and Gabriel didn’t do much talking. Once they got there, Dean parked and cut the engine, but he didn’t move. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Sam in two months. He wasn’t sure he was ready to start now. But, he had to, whether he liked it or not, he just had to get his mind together first. He took a deep breath and got out of the car with Gabriel, and together, they walked into the station.

An older woman sitting at the front desk smiled and greeted them, “Hello, boys, how may I help you?”

Dean gave her a polite smile and said, “I got a call from Officer Still. I need to fill out some discharge papers for my brother.”

She nodded as if she were expecting him. “Name?”

“Uh, Winchester, Sam.”

She clicked some things on a computer and then the printer started running. A few seconds later, she got up and retrieved the document from the printer. She handed it to Dean and said, “All right, so you have to fill all of this out, except for where it’s grey. That’s for me to do. Make sure you sign it at the bottom and initial on the back, and then you’ll be good to go.”

Dean looked over the sheet. It wasn’t too long, which he was very happy about. He nodded and looked back up at her, giving her a nice smile. “Thank you.”

He and Gabriel turned to the small waiting area and each took a seat. Dean started in on the form. It was all pretty basic, asking about Sam’s date of birth, his relation to Dean, all of that stuff. Dean was signing and initialling in no time. When he was done, he brought it back up to the desk attendant.

She smiled at his approach. “All done?”

He nodded. “Yup. All signed and everything.”

“Great. Thank you. I’m going to run this down to Officer Still and then we’ll have your brother out in no time!”

He nodded one more time before going back to his seat and waiting. He and Gabriel didn’t have to wait long. Sam walked through the door just beyond the front desk moments later, looking rather disheveled. His hair was all manner of wrong, his clothes were wrinkled and out of order. He looked like he spent the night in jail. He stopped when he saw Dean. His eyes hardened, a muscle in his jaw pulsing. After a few moments, he shifted his gaze to Gabriel, and his face softened. “Hey, Gabe,” he said, his voice raspy.

Dean shifted on his feet. _That’s fine, he doesn’t want to acknowledge me, that’s fine._ “Hey, Sam. We were worried about you.”

Sam made his way over to them and hugged Gabriel briefly. “I’m fine,” he said.

Dean scoffed and headed for the door. The other two followed. Once they were outside and a good bit away from the entrance to the station, Dean spun around and grabbed Sam’s left arm, pushing up the sleeve. He shook his head when he saw two fresh needle marks. “You’re lucky you didn’t get charged with possession,” he gritted out, throwing Sam’s arm away. Dean turned and continued to the Impala. He got in and slammed the door behind him.

Sam got in the back, and Gabriel got in the front. A tense silence fell over them as Dean started up the car and sped off toward Sam and Gabriel’s apartment. A few minutes down the road, Gabriel spoke up. “What happened last night, Sam?”

Dean spared a glance in the rearview. Sam shook his head and looked out the window. Dean’s eyes moved back to the road. “Nothing, Gabe. Just got a little too drunk.”

“Were you high?”

“ _What_? No!”

Dean scoffed. “We found your stash, Sam. It’s all gone.”

Sam roared at this. “What the _fuck_ , Dean? You had no right to--”

“Oh, you bet your ass I had a right, Sam. Gabe came to me and said you were acting strange. So, I said, it’s no big deal ’cause there was _no way_ you had relapsed. Just no way... Then, I hear you were seen buying heroine. And, I knew, I _knew_ , Sam. And, sure enough, there it was.” Dean shook his head. “Same place as last time.”

“You didn’t have to--”

“Shut up, Sam. I don’t want to hear another word.” Sam started to protest, but Dean continued first. “Another word, and I send you straight to rehab. All that shit I did for you last time, that goes out the window. Not. Another. Word.”

Sam shut up and slumped against the backseat.

The rest of the ride was silent.

*****

Cas woke up around 11:30, and the first thing he did was reach for his phone. No texts. He leaned back in his bed and sighed. He’d stayed up too late last night. _Why can’t I just get him out of my head already?_ He wiped his eyes and sat up. His roommate was gone, not surprising seeing as how the kid barely slept past eight. Cas got out of bed and got dressed quickly before walking down to the dining hall to grab breakfast.

After greeting the worker at the front and getting a huge bowl of Frosted Flakes, Cas sat down at a two-person table to eat. He plugged in his music player and blasted it full volume as he ate. When he finished off that bowl, he was still hungry, so he got up and got another one. When he returned to his table, he was no longer alone. He sighed as he sat down, taking out his headphones. “Well, well, well, to what do I owe this pleasure?” He said sarcastically.

Meg gave him a grin. “What? You’re not happy to see me?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “It’s too early for this shit, Meg. What do you want?”

Meg laughed. “Oh, Castiel, thought you were a morning person.” Cas huffed and put his spoon down forcefully, annoyed. Meg raised her hands in mock-surrender. “Okay, okay. Sheesh... I just thought you’d want to know that I saw Balthazar in town yesterday.”

Cas nearly choked. He swallowed his bite before saying. “ _What_?”

Meg nodded. “Yup. Saw him at Kroger. Thought he got the fuck out of this hellhole.” She shrugged. “Guess not.” She met Cas’s eyes. “You’re not gonna try to see him, are you?”

Cas frowned. He and Meg may not seem as close as they were, but she was probably his best friend--if not that, his oldest. They grew up together, and even though they were sarcastic assholes to each other the majority of the time, they still watched each other’s back. “Of course not. Why would I?”

She nodded in an _of-course_ manner. “And, you’ll tell me if he tries to see you?”

Cas rolled his eyes again, but this time it wasn’t out of frustration. “Of course. Trust me, if I so much as see him, I’ll call you.”

She nodded. “Okay, good.” She looked down at her phone, then, and smiled. She looked back up and said, “Well, so long as we’re on the same page, then. I gotta go. I’ll see you later.” And, she was gone.

Cas returned to eating his cereal and mulled over what Meg told him. _Balthazar was back in town? What the fuck?_ He and Balthazar had dated for two years, and he left him. He left for a better city, a better state, a better lay, and now he was back. Why? _Why, why, why?_

Cas’s pocket buzzed, jolting him out of his thoughts. He pulled out his phone and looked at the message. It was from Dean. _That’s Professor to you_ , a nagging voice in the back of his head said.

Dean: _We need to talk._

Cas chewed his bottom lip. _What the fuck did_ that _mean?_

C: _When?_

D: _ASAP._

Cas was thinking up a response, trying to maybe get out of this when:

D: _please..._

 _Well, fuck, I can’t say no to that_.

C: _Where? I can meet you in 20_

Dean’s responses were much quicker than last night.

D: _I’ll pick you up. You live on campus? What dorm?_

Cas frowned but responded anyway.

C: _Meyers Hall_

D: _Honors student, huh? Nice._

Cas huffed out a laugh, nervous, despite Dean not physically being there with him.

D: _I’ll be there in 20_

D: _Also, no, i have never seen the movies..._

Cas chuckled and pocketed his phone. Then, he put away his dishes and left the dining hall to go back to his dorm and wait for his professor to pick him up and take him God-knows where. _Twenty minutes, shit, shit, shit_. He should have said thirty, he still needs to get dressed properly and shower and put on deodorant and not look like a poor, slightly hung-over college student...

He ran back to his dorm and up to his room in five minutes. He quickly shed his clothes, grabbed his soap and took a sink-shower. He turned the faucet on in his room and splashed himself with the cold water. Then, he washed himself and rinsed himself off. It was the best he could do, considering his time constraints. Then, he put on his best-smelling deodorant. He dressed himself and stood in front of the mirror. He looked good... well, his hair was about as neat as Harry Potter’s, but there wasn’t much he could do about that because Cas’s phone started ringing. He answered, “Hello.”

“Hey, I’m outside,” Dean said. He sounded like he’d had a long day, and it was only 12:30.

“I’ll be right down.” He hung up, slipped on his shoes, and ran down to meet Dean.

He found the rumbling Impala easily in the parking lot. He slid into the passenger seat. He was planning to ask Dean immediately what was going on, but before he had the chance to say anything, Dean pulled him by the coat-collar into a lip-bruising kiss. After the brief shock wore off, Cas melted into the kiss. Dean certainly had a talented tongue. He could do this all day...

Dean pulled back, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve had a long day...”

“It’s perfectly okay with me, trust me.”

Dean laughed, but it wasn’t a very humorful sound. “I just... after everything today and yesterday, I just need to talk to someone who... who can give me a fresh take on things.” He shook his head again, turning back to the wheel. He put the car in gear, and they left the parking lot. “Do you mind?”

Cas shook his head. “No, no, I didn’t have anything to do today anyway.”

“We’ll just go to my apartment if that’s all right...”

Cas held back a laugh. _If that’s all right? Dude, you can invite me over any time._ “Yeah,” was all he said instead.

A few moments of awkwardness passed before Cas reached for the radio and turned it on. Classic rock blasted out of the speakers so loud, he jumped to turn it down. Once it was at a respectable volume, Cas could finally listen to the music and realized it was one of his favorite songs. “You like Metallica?” Cas asked incredulously.

Dean cut him an impressed glance and smirked. “Hell yeah. Why do you sound so surprised?”

Cas shrugged. “Never pegged you as a hard-rock kinda guy.”

Dean laughed, already sounding more light-hearted than five minutes ago. Cas chuckled too and started singing along to the music. Dean joined in, and they sang the rest of the way to Dean’s apartment.

Dean pulled into a very nice apartment building, and Cas was confused for a moment. _No way a college professor could afford this..._ But, Dean pulled into a space and said, “Here we are,” and Cas’s jaw fell open.

“You live here?” Cas asked, not being able to keep the comment from escaping his lips.

Dean chuckled. “It’s a lot easier to save money when you’re single and have no kids.”

Cas gaped up at the building for a moment before following Dean out of the car and to his apartment. Once they were in his apartment, Cas had something else to admire entirely. Dean’s apartment was beautiful. The living room had floor-to-ceiling and wall-to-wall windows overlooking the city. Adjacent to the living room was a small but again very beautiful kitchen. Cas did a 360, admiring every bit of the apartment.

Dean chuckled as he settled on the couch. “See somethin’ you like, Cas?”

He forced his eyes to Dean and felt his cheeks fill with heat. He smirked before saying, “Does your face count?” Dean just rolled his eyes and motioned for Cas to sit. Once he was seated, Cas realized he still hadn’t asked him what the hell was going on and decided that he better get on with it. “So... what the hell is going on?”

Dean’s whole demeanor changed instantly. His face darkened, his jaw clenched, and he sighed heavily. Cas got the impression that he’d been doing that a lot today. “Well. A lot, actually... So, it turns out my brother is a drug addict, and I don’t know what to do about it this time.”

Cas took notice of the phrase _this time_. “Wait, this has happened before?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. About five years ago now, Sam got hooked on heroine. I got him through it, I helped him get clean. Hell, I even helped him keep it a secret from the university and our family and his friends... And, he’s just thrown it out the window. _Five_ years of sobriety, Cas.” Dean broke off and shook his head. “I just don’t get it.”

Cas waited for Dean to continue, but it seemed he was done with that thought. He didn’t really know what to do or say, so he just sat there awkwardly, trying to figure out why exactly Dean was coming to him about all this  and not his friends. “So, why are you telling _me_ all this?” _Dammit, why did I say that?_

Dean shrugged. “No one else but Sam’s best friend knows about his problem, and I didn’t want to spring it on anyone else. Plus... I dunno, I could use a fresh pair of ears to listen.”

Cas nodded, but again, he wasn’t sure what to say. This time he stayed silent.

“Sam was arrested last night, you know.” _Damn._ “And, Gabriel and I went and got him discharged... He wouldn’t even look at me. I came and practically bailed him out, and he wouldn’t even _look_ at me. Didn’t even say thank you.” He shook his head again. “So, I dropped him and Gabe off and left because I really just couldn’t take his shit anymore.” Dean sighed again and stood up. “I need a drink.” He walked toward the kitchen and threw over his shoulder, “You want anything, Cas?”

Cas stood and followed him into the small kitchen, taking a seat at the bar. “I’m good for now,” he said.

Dean took out a bottle of beer from the fridge and cracked it open. After taking a long swig, he said, “Sorry I dragged you into all this... Like I said, I just needed someone to listen to me who wouldn’t give me the whole _he’s your brother_ speech, ya know?”

Cas nodded. He really wanted to ask Dean about why he and Sam weren’t talking, but he felt that that might be stepping over the line.

As if reading his mind, Dean said, “So, I bet you’re wondering why we aren’t talking, huh?”

Cas nodded. “Yeah, but you don’t have to tell me... I mean, it’s not really my place.”

Dean frowned. “Why not?”

Cas almost laughed. “Because I’m your student...” he trailed off. It was his fault they were a little more than teacher-student acquaintances, but he wasn’t sure how much Dean really felt for him, despite him coming to Cas about something personal.

Dean didn’t seem phased by this, though. “I know, but I think we both know that you’re a little more than that now...” he trailed off, and Cas felt as his face filled with heat.

He quickly recovered, though, and said, “Well, I guess you can tell me whatever you’re comfortable telling me, then.”

Dean took another sip of his beer as he joined Cas at the bar. “A few months back Sam and I had a, uh, falling out of sorts. I mean, we’ve had arguments before, but this time was different.”

“What happened?”

“Well, my mom left Sam and I the house when she died--a fact neither Sam or I knew until recently. And, Sam... well, he sold the house before I even knew she left it to us. He didn’t ask me or anything, just went ahead and sold it without my consent. When I figured it out, I freaked. We had a huge fight and haven’t talked since.” Dean shook his head and took another swig from his beer.

Cas, again, wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t good at this part: listening. He was good at winding people up and getting them to give him what he wanted. But, this? Listening to people and giving them some sort of advice or comfort afterward... that wasn’t his forte. At all.

Dean didn’t really seem to mind that he didn’t say anything, but Cas couldn’t tell for sure. To be perfectly honest, he had no idea what was going through Dean’s mind. Just last night, Dean was being coy and elusive. On a normal day, he seemed to be annoyed by--but still obviously attracted to--Cas. But, today, that Dean was gone. He wanted to talk to Cas, he wanted to seek out his companionship, and Cas was beyond confused.

Not wanting to blow it, Cas decided to say something. “Well,” he began, and Dean looked over at him. “If my brother had done something like that, I’m sure I would have freaked too.”

Dean looked almost surprised, but he quickly recovered. “Wait, so, you think I was right to freak out? You don’t think I’m being childish?”

 _Well, not talking to him for months seems a little excessive, but no_... Cas settled for, “You had every right to be angry,” instead.

Dean smiled a small smile and set his beer down on the bar in front of them. “Thanks, Cas. Haven’t heard that one yet.”

Cas frowned. “What?”

“Yeah, everyone seems to think I over-reacted. They keep telling me _I_ should apologize and be the bigger man or whatever, but I’m not the one who fucked up.”

Cas’s frown deepened. “Wait, so your friends aren’t taking your side?”

Dean shook his head. “They’re either trying to keep neutral ground and stay out of it. Or, they’re telling me I’m being childish and that I should just get over it already.”

Cas shook his head in disbelief. “That’s ridiculous.”

Dean nodded, agreeing with him. “You’re tellin’ me,” he muttered.

Dean continued to sip his beer as a silence fell. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. Cas shifted in his seat. Dean chuckled softly. “What?” Cas asked.

“Nothing... It’s just I never pegged you as the nervous type.”

Cas forced a nervous laugh. “Yeah, well, you caught me off my game, sorry.”

Dean shook his head. “Nothin’ to be sorry about. Besides, I like this Castiel better.”

Cas felt his face fill with heat. _Dammit, why does that keep happening?_

“Anyway, sorry for draggin’ you into all this and disrupting whatever plans you had today.”

Cas shrugged. “It’s all right. I didn’t have any plans anyway.”

Dean looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “No? Why not?”

“Don’t have any homework.”

Dean frowned. “Yeah, but you’re in college, Cas, you should be going out and doing things and making memories too. It’s not all about grades and classes.”

 _Yeah, well, I don’t have many friends to do any of that with, now do I?_ “Just not my thing,” he said.

Dean scoffed. “You have _got_ to get out more.”

Cas chuckled. “Yeah, okay.”

Another, more comfortable silence fell. Dean finished off his beer and Cas sat there, thinking what to do now. A few more moments passed before Dean stood up and walked back  over to the couch. Cas followed him and took a seat. Dean turned to Cas, then and said, “So, you really don’t think I’m in the wrong in this situation with Sam?”

“Do I think that not talking to him for months was the best idea? No.” Dean’s face darkened at Cas’s statement, but he quickly clarified. “But, do I think you’re wrong for doing it and should go apologize for it? No. You had every right to react the way you did.”

Dean smiled a small smile before reaching out for Cas like he did earlier. He took hold of Cas’s collar and pulled him into a kiss. Cas was more or less ready this time, and he took control of the kiss quickly. The kiss was urgent and needy--on both ends--and Cas knew he couldn’t leave here without satisfying those needs. When he heard Dean moan into the kiss, he knew he wasn’t going to let him leave until they both got what they needed.

Before Cas realized what was happening, Dean had picked him up and started walking toward the bedroom. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist and deepened the kiss. Once they got to the bed, Dean dropped him onto it, and Cas looked up at him hungrily. Dean was panting, his eyes filled with lust. He shed his shirt and started on his jeans, and Cas quickly did the same. Soon enough, they were both down to their boxers, but before their final garments were removed, Dean leaned over on top of Cas and kissed him again. Dean relaxed into the kiss, and Cas, knowing this was his chance, flipped him. Dean grunted but laughed. Cas smiled down at him and started rolling his hips against Dean. He was surprised to find that Dean was already hard and ready for him. Cas groaned against Dean’s lips. Dean teased the waistband of Cas’s underwear before slipping his hand in and gripping Cas’s ass. Cas sat up and shed his boxers, and Dean wiggled under him as he did the same. Cas paused then, admiring Dean’s beautiful naked body underneath him. _Damn, he’s hot_.

“Top drawer, Cas,” Dean said in a velvety tone, pointing at the nightstand.

Cas got off Dean for a moment to go to the nightstand to get lube and a condom. He returned to Dean and placed the condom on the bed next to Dean. He uncapped the lube and spread some on his fingers. Then, he straddled Dean again as he started to work himself open. He pressed one finger inside himself and shuddered. It’d been a while. He closed his eyes and moved the finger slowly in and out of himself before picking up the pace. He added a second finger, gasping as he nudged his prostate. He heard Dean moan, and he opened his eyes to look. Dean was watching him as he lazily stroked himself. Cas swatted his hand away. “Uh-uh,” was all he could manage to say. Dean didn’t protest, just put his hand next to him and gripped the bed-sheets. Cas resumed working himself open, making a show for Dean as he did. Before long, he had four fingers in him, and he needed more. “Dean,” he groaned. “N-need more...” He threw the condom at Dean, who eagerly rolled it on and lubed himself up.

Once he was ready, Cas positioned himself over Dean and slid down inch by inch onto Dean’s cock. It felt even better than he had imagined. He moved slowly, adjusting for just the right spot until, “ _Fuck_ ,” Cas grunted as he found his sweet spot. He picked up his pace, lifting himself off and slamming back down onto Dean. Dean started thrusting up to meet Cas’s descent, and _damn, that felt good._ Dean moved his hands to Cas’s wrists, but Cas grabbed them and pinned them above Dean’s head.

Dean made a disgruntled noise as Cas leaned over him, slowing his pace. He wanted Dean to beg for it. “Come on, Cas...”

Cas chuckled. He slowed his pace even more and circled his hips in torturous little circles. Dean gasped and tried to thrust up faster, but Cas’s weight and the way he was positioned made that difficult. “What d’ya need, Dean?”

Dean looked up at him with such playful annoyance that Cas could have come right then and there, that face was just too adorable. But, he held off, wanting Dean to come first. “Faster, Cas... come on...”

Cas teased a couple of fast strokes, but then stopped moving altogether. Dean let out a strangled whine. “I went faster, what more do you want?” Cas asked innocently.

Dean’s green eyes bore into his as he said, “Just move, Cas... Come on... _please_.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Cas picked up his pace again, slamming down onto Dean, hitting his prostate every time. The pleasure was incomprehensible.

Dean grunted and thrusted up in time with Cas. It only took a few more thrusts before Dean yelled, “Oh, shit, _Cas_!” He stilled his upward thrusts as he came, snapping his eyes shut. That face and the feeling of Dean’s cock twitching inside him was enough to throw Cas over the edge too, and he came with a sharp cry. He collapsed on top of Dean and pressed lazy kisses along his jawline. Dean’s arms circled him, one hand lazily drawing circles on his shoulder blades.

Cas should have gotten up, then. He should have made an excuse to leave and shown himself out. But, instead, he stayed where he was and let the post-orgasm sleep overtake him as he breathed in Dean’s warm scent.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, it has been A WHILE... I'm sorry about that, but well, I've been busy. Anyway, here's the next chapter, hope ya'll like it!
> 
> Enjoy!

Dean woke with a jolt. Something heavy and warm was on top of him. He started to panic, but then the events from earlier flooded into his mind.  _ Oh yeah _ , he thought,  _ I slept with him. Shit _ . He shifted, trying not to wake Cas as he slid out of bed. Cas grunted but didn’t wake. Dean walked to the bathroom, and realizing the condom from earlier was still on him, quickly discarded it and wiped himself clean of the dried come on his chest. He splashed some water on his face and looked up in the mirror. What was he doing? He didn’t know why, but after he dropped Sam and Gabe off at their apartment, all he could think about was Cas. That was the only person he wanted to talk to. Not Charlie, not Benny, no, he wanted to talk to Cas. He told him that it was because his other friends didn’t know about Sam’s addiction, but that wasn’t the truth. No, the truth was that all he wanted after seeing Sam and talking to him for the first time in months, he wanted someone who wouldn’t take Sam’s side. He wanted someone who would listen to him, who would take  _ his _ side for once, who didn’t think Sam was the perfect human being with no faults. 

Dean took a deep breath, closing his eyes, trying to calm himself. He was getting worked up, just thinking about all this shit with Sam. And, now, he slept with a fucking freshman, who’s in his class, and he felt like complete and total shit.  _ What the fuck am I doing? _

He sighed and left the bathroom, walking back to bed. It was only four in the afternoon. He sat on the edge of his bed and checked his messages. He had three from Gabriel.

G:  _ why can’t you just grow up and help your brother? _

G:  _ Come on, he needs you _

G:  _ Jesus, Dean, you’re the most stubborn person I know _

And, that was it. Dean didn’t feel like responding. He put his phone back on the nightstand and turned to look at the young man lying next to him. He was sleeping soundly, his black hair tousled, and  _ dammit _ if he didn’t look adorable right now. Dean didn’t want to wake him, so he got up and walked into the living room, deciding to just watch some TV until Cas woke up. 

He flipped over to Netflix and settled on watching an episode or two of  _ Sons of Anarchy _ . About thirty minutes into the first episode, Cas emerged from the bedroom fully dressed. Dean paused the show and looked up at him, but he avoided his eyes as he bent to tie his laces. Dean wasn't sure what to say-- _ thanks, maybe, I dunno. _ Once Cas had tied his laces, he started for the door as if he were going to leave. Dean stood up and said, “Cas?” He blurted it out,  not able to come up with something else to say. 

Cas stopped just shy of the door but didn't turn around.

Dean shifted on his feet.  _ Gah, just think! Say something!  _ “Why are you leaving?” God, he sounded pathetic. 

Cas turned around with a frown on his face. “This... shouldn't have happened...”

He trailed off, still avoiding Dean's eyes.  _ What happened to that cocky kid?  _ “It's too far for you to walk back to campus.”

“I can do fine on my own. Don't worry about me.”

With that, he started leaving. “Wait, Cas--” Dean broke off,  unsure of what exactly he was trying to say. 

Cas turned and looked at him again, waiting for him to continue. When Dean was too stupid  _ to just say something _ , he sighed and said, “I’ll see you in class on Monday, Professor.”

And, like that, he was gone. Dean wasn’t quite sure what had just happened, but he knew he shouldn’t be as upset by it as he was. 

And, he definitely knew he shouldn’t have missed Cas, but he did. Sue him.

*****

The rest of the weekend passed somewhat normally for Dean. He’d managed to push down any upset feelings he had after what happened with Castiel--as he had forced himself to start calling him again--and he focused on what was happening with Sam. He hadn’t been back to his and Gabriel’s apartment since Saturday, but he talked to Gabriel and walked him through what he should do for Sam. From what Gabriel was telling him, it sounded worse than last time.

“He’s getting really sick, Dean,” Gabe was saying Sunday night. “I’m not sure I should leave him tomorrow.”

Dean sighed. “Gabriel, we talked about this. He needs our help to get over this, but that doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice everything and stop our daily lives for him. He has to do some of it on his own. You have to go to work tomorrow. He’s a grown man, he can suffer being sick alone.”

Gabriel seemed unsure. “I understand that, Dean, but he really doesn’t look good. He has a fever, and he started throwing up earlier, and it’s not--he’s just really sick.”

“And,  _ I  _ understand that. But, I’m telling you, this is what he needs. He needs to detox, and sickness comes with that. He won’t be able to gain access to any drugs or anything, so he won’t relapse or anything. All he’ll do is lay in bed all day. I promise.”

Gabriel hesitated before continuing. Even though Dean and Gabe weren’t great friends, he still hated seeing how much Sam’s problem was affecting him. “Fine,” he finally conceded. “Fine, but I’m cancelling my office hours.”

“Sounds fine to me.” They talked for a few more minutes, exchanging small bits of small talk, and then they hung up. 

Dean, too, didn’t want to go to work tomorrow, but for completely different reasons. Oh well, he had to do what he had to do...

 

The next day, Dean walked into his Freshman level English class and did his best not to search the crowd of students for those blue eyes. He ended up walking into class with his eyes glued to the floor awkwardly.  _ It’s like I’m fifteen again _ . He set his stuff down on his desk and finally looked out at his class. There, sitting in the back corner of the room, was ~~Cas~~ _ Castiel  _ looking anywhere but Dean. He wasn’t sure if he should be sad or relieved. “How’s everyone today?” He asked. The class answered with a collective “good,” and Dean nodded and smiled. “Well, good... So, I’m not going to keep you all long today. It’s a nice day, and we don’t really have much to discuss. I’m just going to hand out the paper prompts, the first draft of which is due on Friday, and then you’re all free to go.” The class was very excited about this as he handed out the prompts. One by one, his students left the class. One of them, Kevin stopped before his desk to ask, “Can I modify the first option?”

Dean nodded. “Just email me your idea, and I’ll let you know what I think.” Kevin smiled and was the second-to-last person to leave. 

~~ Cas ~~ _ Castiel  _ was still sitting in the back corner of the room. He stood up slowly and walked up to the front. He stopped a few feet away from Dean’s desk, eyes on the floor. He opened his mouth as if to say something and then shut it. He clenched his jaw, opened his mouth again, closed it again, and then turned and left the room quickly.

Dean grimaced.  _ What happened now? _


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, woo! It's a bit heavier, a little emotional (okay, really emotional), but I think you guys will like it. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Also, thanks to everyone who leaves comments and kudos, I really appreciate it!

A few weeks passed, and Dean saw little of Castiel. He only came to class when it was absolutely necessary, and Dean felt horrible.  _ This is all my fault _ , he kept thinking. Although he knew deep down that it wasn’t, he couldn’t help but feel that way. Things were no better with Sam or Gabriel. Gabriel only talked to him in order to get advice about how to help Sam, but other than that, he ignored Dean. And, Sam hadn’t talked to him since the day he picked him up from the police station. That was until today, however.

Dean had just wrapped up grading papers, and he started packing up for the day when his phone rang. He answered, “Hello?”

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said hesitantly. “I think we need to talk.”

Dean’s face hardened. “I’m not sure I’m ready to hear what you have to say, Sam.”

Sam sighed on the other end. “Look, I know I don’t deserve it, but... I’d really like to talk to you.”

Dean closed his eyes. He could never turn down that tone. A lot of people thought it was the puppy-dog look Sam gave people that got him whatever he wanted, but it was really that tone. That desperate, almost needy tone. “Fine... Meet at my place in fifteen minutes?”

“Sure. See you soon.”

“See ya.” Dean hung up before his brother had a chance to say anything else. He wanted to talk to someone about this. He wanted to talk to  Cas Castiel. He wanted to ask him if he thought this was a good idea or if he should distance himself. He wanted to ask him if he thought he should apologize or if he should  _ expect _ an apology. He wanted to ask him what he thought of all this... But, that was a bad idea. So, instead, he dropped by Benny’s office on his way out. He was happy to see Benny getting ready to leave as well, and he stopped and said, “Hey.”

Benny smiled at him. “Hiya, brother.”

“Wanna walk out together?”

“Sure,” Benny said as he closed and locked his office door.

They left the building and started walking toward the parking lot. “Sam called me today, said he wants to talk.”

Benny gave him a look. “About time,” he said. “I think it’d be good for you guys to move past this.”

“Do you think I should apologize?” He blurted out of nowhere. 

Benny had never really offered his opinion on this particular issue, and he stayed quiet for a few moments before he answered. Dean waited for what seemed like minutes until Benny finally said, “I think Sam has a lot more to apologize for. At least, from what I can tell.”

Dean sagged in relief. He  _ did _ have an ally among their friends. “Thanks, Benny.”

Benny frowned confused as to why exactly he was thanking him, but he shrugged as he reached his car. “No problem. Call me later, let me know how it goes?”

Dean nodded. “Definitely. See you later.”

Benny waved as he got into his car. Dean continued on to the Impala and put his stuff in the back before climbing into the driver’s seat. Then, he started the car and drove home. Sam wasn’t there yet when he got there, and he was glad about that. He had a minute to clean up his apartment a little bit first. It wasn’t like Sam would actually care, but whatever. After he was done with that, he knew it was only a matter of minutes before Sam would arrive, so he sat on the couch and waited. As he waited, his thoughts turned to  Cas Castiel. He really didn’t like that he wasn’t showing up to class. Dean really didn’t want what had happened between them affecting his education. So, after a wild mental debate with himself, Dean pulled out his phone and texted him.

D:  _ I just want to say that I’m sorry for whatever I did, but I really don’t want you to fail my class. Please start showing up regularly. _

Dean didn’t expect a response, so his phone startled him thirty seconds later when it buzzed from a text. 

C:  _ Ok _ .

Periods weren’t good when texting... right? Dean used them because he was an English teacher, and he couldn’t  _ not _ use them, but even he didn’t follow “ok” with a period. That was serious business right there, it was bad news all over--

The buzzer to his apartment went off, signaling Sam’s arrival and thoughts of  Cas Castiel fled from his mind. He pressed the button to let Sam into the apartment building, and moments later, there was a knock on his door. Dean took a deep breath before opening the door.  _ Here we go _ . He opened the door, and honestly, Sam could have considered himself forgiven right then and there. He looked awful. He looked like he’d spent the last few weeks detoxing, and even though he looked bedraggled and sickly, he looked more like himself. There was light in his eyes again, and a hopeful air to him. 

“Come on in,” Dean said.

Sam walked in and immediately walked to the couch and took a seat. Dean followed after closing the door. He sat in a chair next to the couch and waited for Sam to start. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Dean waited for him to continue. “I was an idiot. I should have told you about the house, and I should have talked to you about what to do with it. I didn’t grow up in it, so I didn’t have any attachment to it, and...” he trailed off for a moment, shaking his head. “I’m just sorry. Really.”

Dean nodded. “Honestly, I probably would have helped you sell it, but... I didn’t even know Mom had left it to us.”

“It was one of the many things Dad forgot to tell us about.”

Dean gave a half-laugh. “Ha, yeah, one of many.”

Sam smiled sheepishly, but he didn’t say anything else. An awkward silence fell over them. “And... about my relapse... I don’t know what happened, I just--” He broke off, shaking his head again. “I  _ needed  _ it, Dean. I didn’t want to need it, hell, I didn’t even  _ want _ it, but... I just gave in. I’m sorry... Gabe’s got me going to NA meetings every week, and he’s doing a nightly check of my dresser--” He broke off with a small laugh. “Ha, the guy won’t even let me drink coffee, said he read online that it’s just as addictive, and you don’t want to replace one addiction for another.” 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you teaching 8 AM’s this semester?” Sam nodded. “Dude, how are you alive? No coffee? Sheesh.” Sam laughed and nodded again. Dean laughed too, but it soon faded. “I appreciate you apologizing, Sam, I really do.” Sam nodded as a way of saying  _ you’re welcome _ . “But, I have to know, why didn’t you tell me about it? Why lie?”

Sam shrugged. “I dunno. I thought you wouldn’t want to sell it, and that the best way to deal with it was to just do it behind your back... I, of course, see that that was a horrible idea, and I was an idiot, but hindsight’s always 20-20, ya know?”

Dean rolled his eyes at the cliche. “Yeah, I guess... Look, I forgive you, just... next time you find out about some property that one of our dead parents left us,  _ tell  _ me about it, okay?”

Sam huffed out a laugh. “Ha, okay, definitely.”

Dean’s phone buzzed in his pocket, then, distracting him.  _ Was it Cas? _ He immediately dismissed the thought. He had friends. Castiel wasn’t the only person to text him. His phone buzzed again a few seconds later. Then, again... and again. Then, it went still. “Look, Sammy, I’d love to play catch up, but I, uh, got some papers to grade, so...” He trailed off, thinking his implication was clear. 

Sam stood up. “Yeah, man, get back to it. I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe we can grab lunch, just the two of us?”

Dean nodded as he walked Sam to the door. “Sure, that sounds good. See ya.” Sam offered a wave as he left the apartment. Dean closed the door and immediately pulled out his phone to see who was texting him. It  _ was  _ Cas.

C:  _ Actually, can we talk? _ 4:25 PM

C:  _ Like now??? _ 4:25 PM

C: _ Please? It’s an emergency...  _ 4:26 PM

Dean frowned.  _ Emergency? What’s going on? _ Dean typed out a quick reply.

D:  _ Pick you up in ten? _

Cas replied instantaneously. C: _ yes, please _

Dean didn’t need to read that twice. He grabbed his coat and his keys and practically ran out of his apartment. He didn’t stop running until he was in the driver’s seat of the Impala, starting her up, and heading to rescue Cas.

*****

Cas didn’t want to go to class. He really,  _ really _ hated seeing that look in his professor’s eyes every time their eyes met. That look that said, “You broke me.”  _ God _ , it was killing him. So, he skipped. Again. Instead of going to class and being a good student, he hitched a ride from Liam, his roommate, to the local bookstore downtown. Liam didn’t stick around, and Cas wasn’t sure how he was going to get back to campus, but whatever, he’d figure it out. Like he always did. 

Cas had just turned down the Western aisle when his thoughts turned to that certain professor. He bet Dean liked Westerns. He smiled a little at the thought of catching Dean lying on the couch enraptured by a crappy little Western novella. He quickly shoved the thought aside and shook his head. He left the aisle. 

He picked up the first book he found in the next aisle--anything to get his mind off  _ him _ \--when he heard a most obnoxious laugh--one he knew too well. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end, and he straightened his back.

“Haha, oh,  _ darling _ , you can’t be serious...  _ No _ ... __ He did  _ not _ ! My goodness! ...” Balthazar was gossiping on the phone.  _ Nice to see nothing’s changed. _ “Oh my dear, no, no!” He broke off laughing again. Cas was frozen to his spot. He couldn’t move. His voice was so close,  _ so close _ , which meant it was only a matter of time before Balthazar spotted him, and he couldn’t let that happen. He had to get out of here, he had to-- “Sweetie, sweetie, I’m sorry to do this, but I have to go, I’ll call you later. Bye-bye, darling.” Cas heard the other man walk up to him, but he kept his face forward, pretending he hadn’t heard him talking on the phone. “Castiel? Is that you?”

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning around. “Balthazar?” He asked, feigning surprise. “What are you doing here?”

Balthazar’s eyes raked over him, scrutinizing every part of his body. Cas shifted from side to side under the attention. “My, my, you have...” He trailed off, looking for the right words. “...grown up.”  _ Really? _

Cas ignored the fact that Balthazar hadn’t answered his question and tried to get out of this uncomfortable situation instead. “Yes, well, it’s been a few years, so... Look, I really have to get back to--”

“Oh, come on, Castiel! Come have a drink with an old friend. We must catch up!”

Castiel smiled politely and averted his eyes to the floor. “I really can’t. I have to--”

“I won’t take no for an answer, Castiel, come on. There’s a place just next door if you’d believe it.” 

“I can’t drink. It’s illegal.” Cas played the last card he had.

The older man gave Cas a level look. “Right, and you  _ don’t _ have a fake ID.” He raised an eyebrow at Cas and shook his head. “No, come on.” Then, he turned and started walking away, expecting Cas to follow him. This was his chance to run away, to get the fuck away from all of this, but he just followed Balthazar, as he always had. 

Balthazar led him to a bar next door, and they went inside easily. Cas had no problems at the door. Bars in this small college town really didn’t care about the law, just about the money they’d make at the end of the night. The two men took a seat at the bar, and Balthazar ordered for both of them before Cas had a chance to say anything. “Two drafts, please.” The bartender nodded and started preparing their beers as Balthazar turned to Cas. His hungry gaze swept over Cas again. “Damn, you really have changed, Castiel. It’s been what, two years?”

“Three.” Cas lamented the fact that he knew as much as the months and days too, but he didn’t say that.

“Really, now?” Balthazar nodded as a way of thanks to the bartender as he set their beers down. Cas reached for his and took a big gulp. “I didn’t realize it’d been that long. Time really does fly... So, you’re what, nineteen now?”

Cas nodded. “Yup...”

“Hard to believe I’ll be thirty-five next week.” Cas winced. He never liked when their age difference was pointed out like that. It made him feel dirty, wrong, especially three years ago when they were actually together. Cas drained his glass. Balthazar continued without so much as skipping a beat. “My sister’s getting married, did you hear?” Cas shook his head because he really hadn’t heard. “That’s why I’m here,” he rolled his eyes, “I always hated her, ya know, but Mom would have thrown a cow had I not shown up, so here I am.” Cas didn’t know what to do or say, so he just sat there, playing with his empty beer glass. He waited for Balthazar to continue the conversation. “I missed these talks, Castiel.” 

Cas closed his eyes. He knew that was Balthazar’s way of saying he missed him, but he also knew that he was just saying whatever he thought would get him into Cas’s bed. He stayed quiet.

“Didn’t you miss me?” He asked when Cas had been quiet for a moment too long.  _ Yes _ was Cas’s immediate answer, but he bit his tongue. He didn’t want to do this. He  _ didn’t want this _ . “Oh, come on, Castiel, surely you missed me a  _ little _ . I thought what we had was special?”

Cas clenched his jaw. _Right, it was our “special” thing, our “little secret.”_ _Right_. Cas was fuming. After all these years, after Cas had worked _so hard_ to push all this shit down, Balthazar just waltzed in and tore all his hard work down. He’d left him with nothing, no note, no calls, no texts, _nothing_. He’d been radio silent for _three years_ , and now he missed him? What the fuck? Cas shook his head, but before he said anything, he looked up into Balthazar’s eyes. And... he melted. His eyes had always had that effect on him, they’d always soothed him, made him want to do whatever he wanted, anything to please him. Cas was about to give in, to give him what he wanted when his phone buzzed in his pocket. 

He broke his gaze away, forcing himself to look at his phone. It was a text from Dean.

D:  _ I just want to say that I’m sorry for whatever I did, but I really don’t want you to fail my class. Please start showing up regularly. _

Cas blinked at the screen, then sent a quick response. He looked back up at Balthazar, his anger returning. He met his eyes again, and this time, nothing happened. This time, he thought to himself,  _ his eyes aren’t the right color... shouldn’t they be green? _

He shook his head again. “I’m sorry, Balthazar, but--you know what? No, I’m not sorry. I just don’t want to talk to you, so--” he stood up abruptly. The world swayed a little. “I’m leaving.”

He turned on his heel and left the bar, practically running. He didn’t get very far, though, because Balthazar caught up to him outside. “Hey, Castiel! What do you think you’re doing?”

He spun around. “I’m getting the  _ fuck _ away from you! I should never have come here with you. Hell, I never should have slept with you three years ago. Gah! I’m an idiot to have wasted  _ night _ after  _ night _ pining after you when you were so  _ clearly _ done with me!” Balthazar stepped toward him, and Cas stepped back out of instinct. “ _ No! _ No, you and I a-are done!  _ Finished! _ I never want to see you again. Ever.” He turned to storm off again, but Balthazar jumped in front of him, blocking his path.

“Not so fast, Cassie, we’re not done.” He reached out for Cas, and Cas did the one thing he could to defend himself, he pushed him back--hard. Balthazar stumbled backward, off the sidewalk and into the street. A car horn blared, but it was too late, and the car rammed into Balthazar.

Cas wasn’t sure what happened next. All he thought to do was run, but his feet stuck to the ground. The driver jumped out of the car and raced over to Balthazar. He yelled at Cas to call 911, but Cas stood there motionless. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move.  _ What the hell did I just do? What just happened? Is he dead? No, no, no, no... _

Someone snapped their fingers in front of him. He looked up into the eyes of the driver. “Call 911, son. Your friend needs help.”  _ He’s not my friend _ , Cas wanted to say, but didn’t. Instead, he called 911. They said ambulances were on the way, and he hung up and watched as the bartender and the driver moved Balthazar out of the street. All he could do was watch. 

The paramedics arrived very quickly, and they had Balthazar on the way to the hospital even faster. The police were bound to show up soon, and that realization made Cas panic. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t tell them that he’d pushed his ex into oncoming traffic. They’d arrest him for sure. So, without thinking, he ran. He ran and ran and ran until he hit Main Street. Then, he slowed to a jog, and finally, when he felt he was far enough away, he leaned against a lamppost to catch his breathing. He needed to talk to someone about what just happened. He needed someone to tell him everything was going to be okay, that _he_ was going to be okay.  _ Dean, I need Dean. _ He shook his head,  _ no, no, I can’t call him, no _ . 

But, as he walked back to the dorm, he couldn’t think of anything else to do, so as he walked into his dorm, he texted Dean.

C:  _ Actually, can we talk? _   When Dean didn’t respond immediately, Cas clarified,  _ Like now??? _   He let a minute or so pass before typing out, _ Please? It’s an emergency...  _

Now, his response was immediate: 

D:  _ Pick you up in ten? _

C: _ yes, please _

With that settled, Cas went to his room to drown himself in as much vodka as he could in the short ten minutes he had before Dean showed up.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Sorry it's been so long! I've had some writer's block mixed with a busy schedule mixed with plain old lack of motivation, but I'm back! And, I hope that soon, I'll be able to post somewhat regularly again. I think you guys will like this chapter, at least I hope so... It's very plot-oriented. Thinking maybe one of the next few chapters will be smutty again, so if you're waiting for that, don't worry, it will be coming soon.
> 
> Enjoy!!!

Dean pulled into Cas’s dorm’s parking lot and parked, then he texted Cas to let him know he was here. Then, he waited. His stomach was twisted with nerves, and he couldn’t sit still. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and bounced his leg up and down.  _ What happened? Is he okay? What’s going on? What if-- _

His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Cas walking toward the Impala, his head down. He slid into the passenger seat, and the scent of cheap vodka wafted over him. Dean couldn’t see his face. “Cas?” Dean greeted him.

“Hey.” His voice was weak, shaky.

“Are you--are you okay?”

Cas took a deep, shaky breath and finally turned his face to Dean. Tears streaked his cheeks, his eyes red and swollen. Dean wanted nothing more than to bring him into a tight crushing hug, but he stayed where he was. Cas shook his head. “I just--” his voice cracked, and he took another deep breath to try to calm himself. “I just need to talk to someone, and I thought-- god, I shouldn’t have texted  _ you _ ... I’m sorry. Sorry.” He started shaking his head, and he reached for the door handle to get out.

But, Dean caught his arm. “Cas, no, tell me what’s wrong. Don’t leave.”

Cas turned to him and collapsed against him. Dean sat there for a moment, too shocked to move, but he quickly recovered and placed a comforting arm around Cas. “Just... just drive, please. I need to collect my thoughts.”

Dean nodded as Cas sat up again. He pulled out of the space and drove back to his apartment. His mind reeled with questions of what the  _ hell _ was going on, why Cas called him after not so much as looking at him for the past few weeks. He couldn’t figure it out. 

Once they were back at Dean’s apartment, it had started raining. Dean parked, and they each got out and walked up to Dean’s flat. Dean let Cas in and asked, “You want something to drink?” Cas shook his head and took a seat on the couch. Dean joined him. “So, what’s wrong? What’s the emergency?”

Cas sighed. “You may not know this, but... I don’t have many friends. I really only have one, actually, and she has a lot, so we don’t really--” He shook his head. “We’ve been friends for years, but I dunno... earlier, when I needed someone, your name was first to my mind.”  _ Ditto _ , Dean thought. “Look, an ex of mine is back in town. He moved away a couple years back, and it was a pretty nasty break-up... anyway, he’s back and I ran into him earlier at the bookstore...” Cas trailed off, his eyes distant. “I tried to avoid him, ya know? But he saw me, and he made me go for a drink with him. I even tried to claim I was underage, but he knew I'd have a fake, so... Long story-short, we argued, I left the bar. He followed. We argued some more and then--” Cas broke off, shaking his head as his tears started up again. “Then, I kind of--well, I pushed him back because he was crowding in on me, ya know, and... Well, he stumbled and he went into the street and--”  _ oh, shit _ . “He got hit by a car. The driver got me to call an ambulance, and they took him away, but I booked it before the police got there... God,  _ why  _ am I telling you this? You don't need to be loaded down with my shit. You've got enough issues of your own, what with your brother and all. I'm sorry... Sorry, I'll go.” He stood up suddenly and looked as if he were about to head to the door. 

Dean stood up as well and blocked his path. He placed his hands on Cas’s shoulders. “Wait, Cas. Just hold on for a minute, will ya?” Dean shook his head. “You had every right to tell me all this, okay? And, I’ll help you if you need it. Just... tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”

Cas looked up at him and exhaled a long breath. Then, shaking his head, he flopped back down onto the couch. “I don’t  _ know _ what I need.” He sighed heavily. It was quiet for a minute, and Dean sat back down, waiting for Cas to say something more. Finally, he shook his head with a small cackle. “Ha, I shouldn’t have ran, should I? I should have stayed and talked to them.” He shook his head again. “I’m an idiot.”

Dean frowned. “Why  _ did _ you run?”

Cas sighed again. “I didn’t think it would look good to the police that I pushed my ex-boyfriend into oncoming traffic... I was scared, I guess.”

“But, it was self-defense. It’s not like you  _ meant  _ to push him into traffic.”

“I dunno. Maybe I didn’t want them to question me about my relationship with him...”

Dean frowned. “Why? I mean, he’s an ex, no big deal.”

Cas sighed yet again. “He’s nearly twice my age, Dean.” Dean raised his eyebrows at that. “And, he  _ was _ twice my age when we first got together...”

Cas was obviously squeamish about their age-difference, and Dean wondered if that was why he hadn’t talked to him for three weeks. He opened his mouth to say something, but Cas beat him to it.

“I guess I just didn’t want it getting out... I shouldn’t have run, huh?” He sighed for the upteenth time that day. “What am I supposed to do?”

Dean was still thinking about the age difference stuff, but he pushed it aside so that he could answer Cas’s question. “Honestly? Go to the police and tell them what happened before they get ahead of all this and assume the worst.”

Cas took a deep breath and slowly nodded. “Yeah, I guess I need to do that... But, I kind of smell like a liquor store, so I don’t think it’d be best to go right at this moment, do you?”

Dean smiled softly. “Probably not.” He paused before offering, “Why don’t you sleep it off here for about an hour or so? Then, I’ll get you up, and we’ll go to the police.”

He nodded, then frowned. “Wait,  _ we _ ?”

“You obviously need someone to help you through this... If you don’t want that person to be me, I get that, but someone should be with you.”

Cas chewed on his bottom lip--something Dean found  _ very  _ distracting. “I want you.” Dean couldn’t help but smile at the way he phrased that, and immediately after the words left his mouth, Cas’s face turned beet-red. “No--I mean--I want you to come-- _ fuck _ . No, I want you to come  _ with me to the police station _ ! God, what is wrong with me?” He shook his head as Dean giggled, despite himself. “Where do you want me to sleep?”

Dean caught his breath enough to say, “You can sleep in the bedroom.”

Cas nodded as he stood up and headed to it. Just before he entered the room and closed the door, he turned to Dean and said, “Thank you, Dean.” Then, he disappeared into the bedroom. 

Dean smiled softly and flipped on the TV to kill an hour or two before he woke up Cas.

*****

Cas was snoring loudly, dreaming about nothing in particular when he felt a small nudge on his shoulder, jolting him awake. He’d always been a light sleeper. “Wh-what?” He asked as he sat up quickly. 

Dean laughed softly. “Sorry, but it’s been a couple hours, I think we should head to the station now.”

Cas yawned and nodded as he pushed the covers off himself. He climbed out of bed and stretched. He had a slight headache, but other than that, he felt mostly sober. “Ah, god, my breath tastes horrible,” he muttered. His breath  _ did _ taste horrible, and that meant it smelled bad too. 

Dean laughed again, shaking his head. He was awfully cheery for the situation. “Mouthwash’s in the bathroom.”

Cas nodded as he walked over to it and did his business. Once he washed his mouth out twice, and after he’d fixed his hair, he walked out of the bathroom and said, “All right, let’s do this.”

Dean smiled and led Cas out of the apartment to his car. Cas climbed into the passenger seat while Dean started up the car. They were on the road within a few minutes, and Cas was fine. He wasn’t nervous at all. He was fine, really... Well, until what he was about to do actually hit him. Then... well, then he wasn’t so fine anymore. His nerves skyrocketed, and he started bounding his leg up and down, wringing his hands in front of him, and biting his lip.  _ What if they arrest me? What if they don’t believe me? What if they don’t think that it was self-defense? What if-- _

“Hey, Cas?” 

Cas flicked his eyes to Dean. “Yeah?”

Dean glanced at him as best he could without losing focus on the road. Then, he said, “It’s gonna be all right, okay? Don’t worry.”

Cas nodded, but he didn’t really believe him. It wasn’t until Dean placed his hand gently on Cas’s knee that his nerves calmed, and his mind cleared. He released a long breath and waited for the car ride to be over. He was ready.

They reached the police station about ten minutes later. After Dean parked, he and Cas got out of the car and walked into the station. The knot in Cas’s stomach tightened again as they stopped at the front desk. A police officer looked up at their approach and said, “How can I help you boys?”

Cas looked at Dean, who raised his eyes as if to say,  _ go on, it’s your show _ . Cas looked back at the officer. “Um, I was involved in a, uh, a fight earlier... Well, it wasn’t really a fight, but I--” He stopped mid sentence and took a deep breath. “Sorry. That’s not important. The police were called, but I ran away, and I need to talk to the officers who responded.”

The officer narrowed her eyes. “Son, I need a little bit more information than what you’re telling me. When and where did all of this happen?”

Cas checked his watch. “Um, about three hours ago outside the Cork & Barrel...”

The officer nodded and typed some things on her computer. Then, she said, “Okay. You need to speak with Officer Jackson. Take a seat, I’ll let him know you’re here.”

Cas nodded and took a seat beside Dean in the small waiting area of the police station lobby. Not a minute later, the desk officer returned with a burly-looking police detective with a full beard. He nodded to Cas. “You got information about the guy who was hit?” Cas nodded. “Follow me,” he said as he turned back to where he came. Cas stood and followed him. Dean stayed behind. 

Cas followed Officer Jackson to an interview room, and after being instructed to do so, took a seat at a table across from him. 

“Okay, son, my name is Officer Jackson. Just so you know, everything we discuss will be recorded, and you  _ are _ allowed to have an attorney present if such a situation arises where you need one. But, I don’t think you will. Everything good?” Cas nodded, unable to form words just yet. “All right-y, let’s get started. What do you know about what happened this afternoon? Are you a witness?”

Cas swallowed the lump in his throat before he slowly shook his head and said, “Um, not exactly... I was there, but I, uh, played a more involved role. I don’t know why I phrased it like that, but I just did and now you probably think--” Cas cut himself off and took a deep breath. “I had just been with Balthazar at the bar, and he and I argued, so I left. As I was leaving, he came after me. He started crowding in on me, and I pushed him back, and he, uh, he stumbled back into the street, and that car hit him.”

The officer was quiet for a moment, which because of his burly demeanor, Cas couldn’t tell if it was due to shock or contemplation. Either way, the silence made Cas’s nerves hike up another notch. After a minute, the officer leaned forward and placed his arms on the table. He still seemed relaxed, but his brow was furrowed just enough to make it seem like he was trying to grasp the situation. “Okay, I just have a few questions for you... What is your relationship to Mr. Balthazar?”

Cas sighed. He really hated talking about this. “He’s, uh, he’s my ex.”

Officer Jackson’s eyebrows shot up--Cas was sure that it was shock this time. “Really? Okay... Why were you two together this afternoon?”

“He’s in town for his sister’s wedding, and he saw me at the bookstore... Despite my best efforts, he dragged me out to have a drink with him.”

This time, the officer raised just one eyebrow. “And, you’re 21?”

Cas remained silent. 

Officer Jackson nodded in understanding. “Look, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to give me your name and all of your information, and then I’m going to write an official report of what happened. Other witnesses--the bartender, the driver--their stories seem to line up with what you’ve told me. The bartender even said that you seemed more than uncomfortable inside the bar and that you clearly wanted nothing to do with the guy when you left.” Cas felt a surprising feeling of relief wash over him. “So, I honestly, don’t think anything will come of this, but... Procedure is procedure, and it’s gotta be followed. So, just sit tight, I’ll be back in a minute with some paperwork.” Cas nodded as the officer left the room, and he sighed a breath of relief.  _ Could it really be this simple? _

Officer Jackson returned moments later with a few forms, and Cas filled them out quickly. Jackson made little bits of smalltalk throughout, but other than that it was silent. Once Cas was done, he checked over everything to make sure he got everything, and then he handed the forms over to Officer Jackson. Jackson nodded after he looked over them briefly. “Looks good... I’ll walk you out.”

“Thanks,” Cas said as he stood up and followed the officer out. 

They stopped by Jackson’s desk to drop the paperwork, and he also picked up a small business-like card. He handed it to Cas. “I don’t know what exactly happened between you and Balthazar, but this group can help you if anything--”

“Nothing like that happened,” Cas cut in. He tried handing the card back, but Jackson shook his head. 

“Castiel, like I said, I don’t know  _ what _ happened, but I know  _ something _ happened. They’ve got all kinds of services... You don’t have to use it, but... I just thought I’d give you their card in case you _wanted_ to.”

Cas opened his mouth to make some other argument, but whatever it was died on his lips. Jackson was right: something  _ had _ happened. And, though he didn’t know what, he was trying to help. Not even Meg had done that. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Jackson nodded. “No problem.”

He led Cas the rest of the way out, and with a small wave, he left Cas to his own devices and returned to the bullpen. Cas watched him go before turning back to Dean, who gave him a small smile and stood up. Cas looked away and walked out of the station to the Impala. He waited for Dean to catch up, to unlock the car, and once he did, Cas got in and buckled up. Dean followed shortly after, saying, “Everything go all right?” Cas nodded and gave a noncommittal sound of affirmation. Dean started the car and drove away from the station. 

Cas looked at Dean as he drove, studying his features, sizing him up until Dean glanced his way. Cas looked away quickly and focused on the trees rushing by, thinking of anything  _ other _ than the man sitting next to him, anything  _ other _ than how he could be just another Balthazar. 

Cas sighed, and the rest of the ride was silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shameless self-promotion* If you guys like this story, be sure to check out my others! I'm working on multiple fics atm, and they're all destiel except for one, so... Thanks!!!
> 
> Also, I love to hear from you guys, so feel free to leave comments, or follow me @thesherlockianwhojustcant on Instagram or Tumblr and you can DM me about anything! I will listen!!
> 
> If you don't want to do any of the above, that's perfectly fine! Hope you liked this chapter! Check back soon for the next one!!! ~thesherlockianwhojustcant


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this chapter did NOT go the way I planned, but I hope you guys like it anyway. Sorry for the late update, I've been super busy with school, and I was planning to update during Thanksgiving week, but I got wrapped up in holiday crap, so... what are you gonna do?
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys like this chapter! Thanks to everyone who leaves kudos and comments! I really appreciate it!

“Maybe you  _ should  _ call them,” Meg said as she took another bite of her cereal.

Cas rolled his eyes and finished chewing before saying, “What are they going to tell me that I don’t already know?”

Meg shrugged. “It’s a chance for  _ you _ to tell someone what happened.” Cas ground his teeth together, but didn’t say anything. Meg continued. “You don’t want to tell me, you don’t feel comfortable telling me, that’s fine, but... these people are professionals. They can help you.”

Cas fixed her with a hard stare. “I don’t  _ need _ help.”

Meg gave him a level look. “Right.” She nodded sarcastically. “Vodka’s got you covered.”

Cas stood up so quickly his chair nearly toppled over. The people around them turned and looked at him. “Lay off,” he gritted out. 

She raised her eyebrows and looked up at him. She shook her head slowly. “No... I’m your friend. And, you need help whether you like it or not.”

Cas shook his head indignantly. He picked up his unfinished meal and stormed off. He disposed of his dishes in the dish line and practically ran out of the dining hall. He headed in the direction of his dorm, but the closer he got, the more he realized that he didn’t want to be there. He wanted to be anywhere  _ but _ there, but here at school, in this small town. He needed to get out. He needed to escape.

He pulled out his phone and dialed a number he hadn’t in awhile. After four rings, his former drug dealer finally answered. 

“Castiel, what a pleasant surprise,” Crowley purred.  “What can I do for you, sweetness?”

Cas bit his tongue before saying, “I need...” he trailed off with a sigh.

Crowley chuckled. “Oh, darling. Come see me. We can work something out.”

Cas nodded even though the other man couldn’t see him. “I’m on my way.” He hung up before Crowley could say anything else and headed off in the direction of Crowley’s place. 

*****

Dean sighed as he sat down at his desk in his office. He rubbed his tired eyes and tried to get his head in the game, but he was distracted. Cas still didn’t come to class, and Dean hadn’t seen or heard from him in nearly two weeks. Dean was starting to get worried. Part of him thought it was because of Dean that Cas was missing class and avoiding him. That would make sense. That would be the simplest answer. 

But another, more persistent, part of him gnawed at his brain. That part of him told him it had something to do with Balthazar, with what happened, and that it brought up some bad memories for Cas. Dean knew all about bad relationships, he’d had more than a few, but he felt Cas and Balthazar’s relationship was more than bad. He had the feeling that something else happened, something Cas didn’t talk about. And, Dean had no right to know what it was. He had no reason to expect Cas to tell him anything. 

That didn’t make his worry go away, though. 

Dean shook his head.  _ Dammit _ . He was just about to try grading papers when a knock sounded on his office door. “Come in,” he said and awaited for the person to come in.

He felt his face fall as Sam walked in. He shouldn’t have hoped for it to be Cas, and he  _ should _ be happy to see his brother. It was nice to be able to talk to him again, and it was nice to see him sober. “Hey, Dean, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second?”

Dean nodded. “Of course. What’s up?”

Sam took a seat across from Dean’s desk and sighed. “It’s about one of my students. He’s one of my best students, but he hasn’t been to class in almost two weeks. I’m technically supposed to kick him out, but the kid’s got real potential, and he had perfect attendance before this. I’m starting to think something happened to him.”

Dean frowned. “Well, I don’t know how it works in the law school, but in the English department, it’s at the professor’s discretion to withdraw students, but... I dunno...”

Sam sighed. “That’s not how it works in my department. If he doesn’t show up to the next class, the system will automatically remove him. He’s in the intro class, and it’s a total weed-out class, but he’s  _ not  _ one of the kids we want to be weeding out. I’m telling you.”

“Why don’t you try emailing him?”

“I have!” Sam shook his head. “No response. I seriously think something’s happened to him, and if something  _ has _ happened, I don’t want him to be thrown out of school because of it. That wouldn’t be good.”

“Well, Sammy, I dunno what to tell you. I feel like you should be talking to the head of your department or something.”

“Well, I looked him up before coming over here, and his schedule says he’s in your freshman English class.” Dean’s gut twisted. “Do you have Castiel Novak in your class?” Dean blinked. This wasn’t happening. He could do no more than nod. “Has he been showing up to  _ your _ class?”

Dean slumped back in his chair and closed his eyes. Now, he was really worried about Cas. He slowly shook his head as he opened his eyes. “No... I haven’t seen him in two weeks, like you.”

Sam chewed his bottom lip. “Do you think that’s odd?” 

_ Well, considering his attendance as of late has been scattered, no, but now that you mention your class...  _ “I don’t know... I’ll try to get in touch with him, maybe he’ll return my tex--er, emails... my  _ emails _ . I’ll try to tell him that he’s at risk of being withdrawn from your class if he doesn’t go to the next one.” It was bad enough that Cas was missing Dean’s class, but now, he’s not going to  _ any  _ of his classes? 

Sam nodded and stood up. “Thanks,” he said, backing toward the door. “I’ll leave you to it, then. You look like you’ve got a lot to grade. That time of the semester, am I right?”

Dean smiled and nodded as Sam left, but as soon as the door closed, Dean pulled out his phone and called Cas. He hadn’t been returning his texts, but he couldn’t ignore a ringing phone forever. Cas didn’t answer the first time, nor the second, nor the third, nor the fourth, and he was just about to give up halfway through the fifth when the  _ brrrrriiiinnnngg _ noise stopped. It was silent on the other end, so Dean said, “Cas?”

A person on the other end let out a long sigh before a deep British voice said, “Well, well, well, who might this be?”

Dean stiffened his chair. “I can ask you the same question.”

The man on the other line laughed as a way of response.

“Balthazar?” Dean guessed, and the man laughed harder. 

“Do I sound like a bloody prancer like him?” He laughed again. 

“Then, who the hell are you?”

“I do believe I asked you first.”

Dean ground his teeth together. “Dean.”

“Mm, yes, like it said on the caller ID, but your full name, come on now.”

“That’s all you’re getting, now tell me--” Dean was cut off by the other man. 

“You’ll tell me your name, or your little twink gets it.” Shock washed over Dean from the man’s words. Then he heard Cas’s voice. 

“Just... tell him, Dean, it’s okay...” 

“You see?” The British man was back. “He says it’s all right. You can trust me. Now, tell me that name.”

“Winchester. Dean Winchester,” he ground out through gritted teeth.

The other man gasped. “No relation to Sam Winchester, is there?” Dean blinked-- _ how the hell did this guy know Sam? _ The man took Dean’s silence as a yes and continued. “Oh, you must be the big brother he’s always going on about. I’ve heard lots of things about you, not all of them good, mind you, but lots.” The other man cackled again. “Look, I’d love to stay and chat, but Castiel here owes me a debt, and he’s come to pay it. So, good day.” 

And, the line went dead. 

Dean sat there, stunned.  _ What the hell just happened? Who was that? Why did Cas sound like he’d been drugged? Fuck, fuck, fuck, what’s going _ \--

Dean’s inner-freak-out was cut off by his phone ringing. He looked down at the caller ID robotically, but when he saw Cas’s name flash across the screen, his brain kicked back into gear. He answered, “Who are you? What do you want with Cas?”

The man chuckled at Dean’s pointless questions. “Dean, Dean, Dean... I already told you. He owes me a debt, he’s owed it to me for almost a year now, and he’s finally paying up. But, I just remembered... your brother owes me an even bigger debt.” 

The man didn’t continue, so Dean asked, “So, what of it?”

“Well, I think I have a solution... to  _ both  _ our problems.”

Dean frowned and clenched his jaw tightly. He really didn’t like this guy. “I’m all ears,” he said. 

He could practically hear the other man smiling through the phone when he said, “I’ll trade. Castiel for the moose. Your twink for your brother. Which will it be?”

Dean couldn’t help but huff out a cynical cackle. “How about I get both of them?”

The other man  _ tsk _ ed his tongue. “I’m afraid that’s not how the game works.” Dean clenched his jaw even tighter. “You see, Sam owes me about, oh what was it?... something like twelve grand?” Dean’s jaw dropped to the floor.  _ Dammit, Sam _ . “But, Castiel, here, well... he only owes me two.” The man laughed again although Dean had no idea why. “I guess he forgot about that when he called me up earlier today... Ah, so what’s it gonna be, Dean? Castiel or Sam?” Dean remained silent. He wasn’t going to do this. He wasn’t going to choose... because he knew he’d choose Sam. “Oh, and let me just clarify. You deliver Sam to me, and Castiel’s debt is wiped away. You don’t, and the deal is off. And, since I am now  _ actively  _ thinking about Sam’s debt, I’ll be collecting very soon, and trust me, I won’t be this nice then.”

Dean pulled the phone away from his ear and muttered a string of curses under his breath. He shook his head, freaking out, his mind churning. Then, a plan started to form, and he nodded to himself. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. I’ll do it. Sam for Castiel. Tonight, midnight, Oconee bridge.”

“Oh, so sweet of you to choose your play toy over your own flesh and blood.” Dean cringed. “But, you’ll bring Sam to me. 123 Washington Avenue, midnight.” The line went dead before Dean could say anything. He slipped his phone in his pocket as he stood up and rushed out of the room. 

He needed to talk to Sam. And, he needed to do it  _ now _ . 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while. Sorry about that, but I just had horrible writer's block, and I was busy with school/family stuff on top of that. I hope this chapter makes up for the long time, and I'll hopefully start updating somewhat consistently again. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos/comments, and thanks for reading!  
> Enjoy!

“ _ Twelve thousand dollars _ , Sam?” Dean screamed, not caring who heard. “ _ Really _ ?” 

Sam held up his hands in defense. “Whoa, whoa, Dean, what’re you--”

Dean cut him off. “Cut the shit, Sam. Who do you owe money to?”

Sam looked up at his brother, confusion etched onto his face. “I don’t know what you’re--”

“Christ, Sam.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He really shouldn’t blame Sam for not following, seeing as how he’d charged into his office and started yelling at him out of nowhere, but  _ dammit _ , he was pissed. He took a deep breath to calm himself and tried again. “You owe someone twelve grand. Now, tell me who it is and why you owe him so much.”

Sam blinked up at him, frowning. “Dean, seriously, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Dean bit his tongue in order to stop himself from yelling at his little brother again. “Maybe this’ll refresh your memory. Deep, British voice, haughty as fuck, little shithead? Ring any bells?”

Sam’s face paled with recognition. He blinked a few times before saying, “I... I thought...” He trailed off, his eyes distant. “Shit,” he muttered. “Shit, shit,  _ shit _ .” He shook his head. “Crowley,” he said louder. “His name is Crowley. He used to be--” he broke off, guilt crossing his features.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Just say it.”

“He used to be my dealer...”

Dean’s knees were going weak, so he sat down in front of Sam’s desk. “Your dealer?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I, uh... I stopped using him because he was, uh, a little too intense. And a little too expensive...” Sam trailed off again before shaking his head and continuing. “I got a few grams from him here and there on loan, and it kind of, uh, racked up after a while...”

Dean swore under his breath. “Well, dammit, Sammy.”

“I know, Dean. I know. I’ll pay him back, I just--” he broke off and made an odd face. “Wait. Hold on, how do you know about this? How do you know what he sounds like?”

Dean closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. It was only 5:30 in the afternoon, why did it feel like 10? He sighed. “I just got off the phone with him.”

“What? Why? How does he even know who you are?”

Dean shook his head. “Says you used to talk about me,” he said, ignoring the first question. 

Sam’s face paled again as the confusion on it continued to grow. “Shit, I’m sorry. How’d he even get your number?”

Dean sighed again. “I kind of, accidentally, called him.” Sam’s look of utter confusion was priceless, and Dean almost laughed. “You see, I called someone else, who apparently, just so happens to be with him. But, Crowley answered the phone.”

Dean knew he should continue, but he didn’t, so Sam pushed him. “Who did you call?”

Dean hesitated before admitting, “Cas--er, Castiel...” Sam regarded him with a whole new type of confusion, one that made Dean nervous--nervous enough to start babbling. “When you showed up and told me he hadn’t been to your class, or returned your emails, and to combine that with not showing up to my class or returning  _ my  _ emails or texts, I knew something was wrong, so I decided to call him, and he didn’t answer right away, but he can’t ignore a ringing phone forever--I mean, have you ever tried to do that? It’s hard--so I kept calling, and next thing you know, Crowley is talking to me about--fuck, I don’t even really know, but I could tell he was creepy, and he had answered Cas’s phone and that made me worry even more, but then, he found out that I was your brother and he offered me a deal and--”

Finally, Sam cut him off. “Please, do  _ not _ tell me you made a deal with Crowley.”

Dean averted his gaze and didn’t answer.

Sam groaned. “ _ Dean _ . Crowley is bad news, and I mean,  _ really _ bad news. His deals are never what they seem, and he rarely follows through unless there was some sort of formal agreement, like a contract or, I don’t know, a blood ritual? No matter what, it’s stupid to make deals with men like Crowley.”

“He’s got Cas, Sam! What am I supposed to do? Let him go?”

Sam frowned at his brother again. “Why do you keep calling him that? Is that what he prefers to be called?” Dean cast his eyes down again, refusing to answer. Sam’s gasp told him that he’d put two and two together. “Dean, you did not.”

Dean sighed. “I did.”

“Shit, Dean, when were you planning on telling me?” 

“Not like I  _ planned  _ to fuck him or anything... it just... sort of... ya know, happened.” Sam gave him a level look, but before he had a chance to say anything else, Dean said, “This isn’t the time! Cas is being held by some crazy drug dealer, whom I’ve told I would trade you for Cas at midnight, so.” Sam stared at him, dumbfounded. “We need to figure out a plan so that neither of you ends up in Crowley’s crosshairs.”

Sam closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. Dean knew he was thinking, so he stayed silent, waiting for Sam to speak. “Okay,” he finally said. “Okay. Let’s... I... Fuck, I got nothing, Dean.”

Dean groaned. “Come on, Sammy. Use that brain of yours.”

Sam shrugged. “We could call the police.”

“No,” Dean said immediately.

“Why not? What else are you supposed to do in this kind of situation?”

“Maybe if you hadn’t borrowed money, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!”

“Yeah, well, we definitely wouldn’t be if  _ you _ hadn’t slept with a student!”

The two brothers breathed heavily, looking each other up and down. It took a few moments, but they eventually relaxed and released equally tired sighs. “I’m sorry, Sam. That was out of line.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam said. “We really could call the police.”

Dean shook his head. He didn’t like the idea. “Don’t you think Crowley would see through that, though?”

That seemed to get through to Sam. “Yeah, you’re right...”

Dean sighed. “How much do you have in your bank account? Maybe, you could show up with what you owe, we could get Cas, you could pay him and leave. What about that?”

Sam shifted on his feet, casting his eyes down.

Dean knew that look. That was the look Sam got when he didn’t want to tell his brother something. “What is it?”

Sam bit his lip. “Crowley, uh... well, he, uh, takes other, uh, forms of payment... not just money, you see. And, I, uh, owe him more than just money.”

Dean groaned. “Ugggghhh, Sam!” He shook his head. “What other “forms” of payment do you owe this mothefucker?”

“I, uh...”

“For Christ’s sake, Sam, just spit it out!”

“I may owe him a few  _ favors _ .” Dean frowned. “Like, uh, sexual favors.”

“Dammit, Sammy! What is wrong with you?”

Sam shrugged his shoulders defensively. “Look, I was desperate, okay? Life of an addict isn’t exactly sane!” Dean resisted the urge to yell at his brother for the thousandth time tonight. “I’d bet Castiel owes more than just money too, or Crowley would have just--” Sam cut himself off when Dean cast him a particularly menacing glare.

And, that was the moment Gabriel decided to knock on Sam’s office door and poke his head in. “Hey, Sam, do you--” he stopped talking when he noticed the stare-off Sam and Dean were having. “Oooh, what am I missing here?”

“Go away, Gabe,” Dean gritted out. 

“Oh, how you wound me, Dean.” Dean turned his nasty gaze upon him, and Gabriel threw his hands up in defense. “Whoa, whoa, mercy, mercy. What’s going on? Something I can help with?”

Dean didn’t want him dragged into this, so he shook his head. Sam apparently wanted the same thing because he said, “Nah, it’s all right, Gabe. I’ll tell you about it later.”

Gabriel gave them a wary glance but slowly nodded his head. “Yeah, okay... see you guys later.” He left, and Sam and Dean were allowed to continue.

“Look,” Dean said, “I don’t care what Cas owes him. We need to get him out of this somehow.”

Sam sighed for upteenth time that night. “I know, but other than calling the police, I really don’t know what else to do.”

Dean took a deep breath. He racked his brain for anything,  _ anything _ , that could help them, but he kept coming up blank. Until-- “I have an idea.”

When he didn’t continue, Sam said, “Love to hear it, Dean.”

“Just... gimme a moment,” Dean said as he worked out the kinks of his plan. “Okay, this might be stupid, but... You give me the money you owe Crowley. Then, you stay here, and I go meet him. I’ll give him the money for Cas, and then it’s done. Simple.”

Sam shook his head slightly. “I doubt Crowley would go for that.”

“Well, I don’t hear any bright ideas coming out of you.”

Sam mulled over Dean’s plan for a moment. “It might work,” he admitted. “But, there’s a big chance it won’t.”

“Well, if it doesn’t, I don’t mind getting my hands dirty.” Dean stood up, heading for the door. “Come on, let’s get to it.”

Sam followed him out his office and out of the building. Within minutes, they were on the road to the bank. It was almost 6:00. They had just over six hours to get to Cas, and as each minute ticked by, Dean’s stomach twisted more and more.  _ What is Crowley doing to him? _

The question wouldn’t leave his mind.

*****

Cas blinked his eyes open. A difficult task, considering his left was nearly swollen completely shut. His whole body ached from where Crowley and his men had beaten him, trying to get him to rat out his friends who  _ also _ owed him money. Seemed to Cas that Crowley wasn’t very good at doing business if this many people owed him money and he couldn’t keep up with them. But, Cas had other things to worry about than Crowley’s business model. 

Right now, all he cared about was finding a way out of this. By some miraculous stroke of luck, he’d been left alone in some room. After they’d beaten him and knocked him out, Crowley’s men must have brought him here. He really didn’t remember much about what happened before he woke up just now, but he did remember Dean’s voice.  _ That  _ he remembered. But he couldn’t remember why he’d heard it or what was going to happen. So, Cas tried to sit up and stand. The former wasn’t so hard to do, but standing? That was a whole other thing. He was close to a wall, so he scooted close to it and tried to use it to help himself get to his feet. After a few tries, he managed to stand up. He paused for a moment, leaning against the wall, breathing heavily. Then, he forced himself to get on with it. He looked around for the door. It was almost pitch-black in the room, so it wasn’t easy, but there was a small break in the blackness along the floor directly across from him. Using the wall as a guide, he walked toward the door. When he got to it, he felt around for the handle. He found it and tried to turn it. Locked.

_ Of fucking course _ , he thought. He kicked it out of frustration. Then, he kicked it again, harder. Why did this happen to him? Why did he decide to call Crowley? How had he forgotten his debt to him? Why, why, why? He kicked the door again. Why was he still hung up on Balthazar after all these years? Kick. Why did he let him fuck up his life like this? Kick. Why couldn’t he just move on? Kick. 

Suddenly, the lights came on, and the door opened. Cas stumbled back but lost his footing and fell backward. He winced as he came into contact with the hard floor. 

“Oh, Castiel. Look at that. You’re awake,” Crowley remarked as he walked into the room. “Good thing too. Your gallant savior should be here soon, and I’m not sure how well he’d take it if we gave you to him passed out.”

Cas frowned up at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh? Did I not tell you?” Crowley paused for what seemed like dramatic effect. “That Dean Winchester? He’s trading his brother for you.” Cas felt his mouth fall open and his eyes widen. “Yes, shocking, I know... Come on, now. He’ll be here soon.”

Cas was barely aware of what was happening. He stood up and followed Crowley out into the main area of Crowley’s “business,” but he might as well have been dragged. He couldn’t focus on what Crowley said or what he did because all he could think of was how Dean was going to give his  _ brother _ over to Crowley for  _ him _ . He hadn’t even talked to Dean in a couple weeks. Why was he willing to do this for him after he’d treated him like that? How had he even been dragged into this? What would he--

Cas’s inner-monologue was interrupted by the signature sound of the Impala pulling up outside. A few moments later, the sound was cut off, and a door slammed. 

Cas held his breath and thought,  _ here we go. _

*****

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Dean? I really don’t think--”

“Shut up, Sam. Just... shut up.” Dean finished packing the twelve thousand dollars into a small duffle bag and zipped it up. Then, he picked up the gun next to it, checked the bullets, and put it in the back of his pants. 

“Do you even know how to use that?”

Dean gave him a level look. “You’re not the only one with a crime streak,” he claimed.

Sam pursed his lips and nodded. “Right. I forgot.”

Dean took a deep breath. There was no going back from here. “Okay, I’m gone. If I’m not back in an hour--”

“I’ll see you soon, Dean,” his brother cut him off. Dean nodded and left the apartment. 

He paused just outside, sighing. There was a big chance this wouldn’t go the way Dean wanted it to, but he had no other choice. Not one that he could think of anyway. Shaking his head, he walked out to his car, slid into the driver’s seat, and headed to the address Crowley told him. It was a short drive, but his mind reeled the whole way. He was nearly there. He could see the place up ahead, but he pulled off onto the shoulder abruptly. He pulled out his phone and searched for a number before dialling it. 

After a few rings, someone answered. “Clarke County Police Department, how can I help you?”

“Is Officer Jackson in, by any chance?” Dean glanced at the clock, and it struck him just how bad of an idea this was. No one would be working this late. 

“Let me check,” the desk attendant said. A moment later, she returned, “I’ll connect you.”

Dean was so shocked that Officer Jackson was in the office this late that when he answered, “Detective Jackson speaking, who’s this?” that it took him a few moments to respond. “Hello?” Jackson asked after waiting for a minute.

“Yes, hi, uh, this is Dean Winchester. I came in a couple weeks back with a kid, Castiel Novak, and he--”

“I remember him. What’s this about?”

“Well. He’s in a bit of trouble... I’m going to help him, well, I  _ hope _ so, but... there’s a chance it’ll go bad. Is there any way you could give me a hand?” Why hadn’t Dean just called him earlier? This would have been much more well-planned. 

“With what exactly?” Det. Jackson sounded wary--as he should.

“Castiel is kind of being held by this drug dealer, and he--”

Det. Jackson cut him off. “What’s the dealer’s name?” 

“Crowley. I don’t have a first name, but--”

“I know him. Are you meeting with him?”

“Yeah, in--” Dean checked the time again “--two minutes, actually.”

“ _ Shit _ ,” Jackson muttered. “Where? I need to call back-up, but I’ll try to be there as soon as possible.”

“Wait, really?” Dean was shocked (who the hell knows why).

“Yes, now where are you meeting him?”

“123 Washington Ave,” he said.

“I’ll be there soon. Are you there yet?”

“No, I’m--”

“Good,” Jackson said, “stay where you are. I’ll handle this.”

“I  _ can’t _ ! If I don’t show up, who knows what he’ll do to him?”

“I can’t let you risk your life,” Jackson pled with him.

“Well, it’s too late for that,” Dean said as he pulled back onto the road. Not even a minute later, he pulled into 123 Washington Ave. “I’m already there.”

“Dean! Don’t--” Dean couldn’t hear whatever else Det. Jackson said because he hung up on him. He cut the engine to the Impala and grabbed the bag of money as he stepped out of the car. He closed the door and looked up at the building in front of him. He took a deep breath. 

No turning back. Not now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya'll will forgive me for being soooooooo lazy and not posting this sooner! I've been dealing with a shit ton of writer's block, and the Steter/Stetopher fandom may or may not have briefly taken over my life, so... Yeah, anyway, new chapter! Yay! It's a little shorter than usual, but I hope you all enjoy anyway! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

A shooting pain in Dean’s head caused him to slowly blink his eyes open, his vision blurry. He blinked a few more times to clear it, and eventually he could see around him. Blinking red and blue lights blinded him, and he tried to sit up, but he couldn’t. As soon as he tried, his back muscles constricted in pain, and he fell back, releasing fast, pained breaths. He could vaguely hear people around him, saying something, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. It was as if a thick pane of glass were between them and Dean, muffling their voices. They were paramedics, Dean realized, treating him.  _ Paramedics? _ Dean thought,  _ when did they get here? _

Dean tried to sit up again, and he nearly managed it, but someone pushed him back gently, yet firmly. Finally, he managed to speak, though even his own voice sounded muffled to him. “Please,” he rasped out. “I need to--” He was cut off by another shot of pain up his spine, straight to his head. He winced and leaned his head back. He tried again once the pain had subsided. “Please, I need to get up. I’m--I’m fine,” he lied.

The paramedic closest to him gave him a wary glance and shook his head. “Can you hear me?” His voice sounded like a whisper, but Dean nodded. The paramedic said something else, but Dean couldn’t hear that, so the paramedic tried it again at a louder volume. “You’ve suffered some major injuries to your head and lower back. We need to get you to the hospital so that you can be properly treated.”

Dean shook his head defiantly. “No, no, I’m...” He started to say  _ I’m fine  _ when he raised his head and looked down at himself. He looked pretty beat up, but he couldn’t remember how he’d gotten that way. “What happened?” The paramedic shook his head slowly as if to say he didn’t know. “How come I don’t know?”

The paramedic released a sigh, though Dean saw it more than heard it, and said, “You’re probably suffering from temporary amnesia from your head wound. Now, please lie back. We need to load you into the ambulance and take you to the hospital.”

Dean was too shocked by the fact that he had freaking amnesia to resist any further. Instead, he followed the paramedics’ instructions and laid his head back on the gurney as they lifted it into the ambulance. A few moments later, one of them started him on an IV. Dean wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but it was strong, and within a minute, his head lulled to the side as he passed out.

*****

Dean came back to consciousness briefly sometime later, but he didn’t stay awake very long. Only enough to hear, “Sir, you can’t be here. You aren’t family.”

He felt a hand slide into his. “Well, I’m not leaving. You’ll have to call security if you want me to leave.”

“Please, we can’t have you in here--”

“Either call security or get out. I’m not leaving.”

Dean smiled a small smile--at least, he thought he did--before slipping back under.

*****

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the first thing Dean remembered hearing when he woke up, the first thing he registered. Then, he heard snoring. He blinked his eyes open slowly, and the little light that was in the room blinded him briefly, but he eventually adjusted enough to look around him. He was in a hospital room, lying in a hospital bed, and he couldn’t remember why for the life of him. The room was dark, and the rooms around him were quiet, so he assumed it was some time in the night or early morning. That explained the snoring.

He looked over to the side of the room from where the sound came, expecting to see a roommate or Sam, but he was surprised to see the crumpled yet peaceful Castiel curled up in the chair next to his bed. His hand was outstretched as if he’d been holding Dean’s, but it had slipped out of his hold some time during the night. He had a few scrapes and bruises, but overall, he seemed okay. Dean breathed a sigh of relief. That had been what he’d gone to Crowley to do, keep Cas okay, and he’d succeeded. If only he remembered  _ how _ he’d done that...

The past few hours (?) were a blur. Dean barely remembered the paramedic telling him he had temporary amnesia, but after that, he’d spent most of the time asleep. And, before... well, everything since he stepped out of the Impala at Crowley’s to when he woke up with the paramedics was a complete and total blank. 

Dean sighed, frustrated he couldn’t remember, and tried to sit up, but it hurt. Everything hurt, and his heartbeat sped up tremendously from the pain, setting an alarm off that brought nurses rushing into his room--the last thing he wanted right now. He laid back quickly as nurses surrounded him, checking his vitals, and poking and prodding him. “I’m fine,” he said, but his voice was quiet and raspy. He swallowed a few time before trying again. “I’m fine. Really. I just woke up and tried to sit up. That’s all. Please...”  _ leave me alone,  _ he wanted to finish.

One nurse, who carried herself in a way that suggested she was the leader, said, “Okay, everybody out.” Nurses left the room one by one, and as they did, the head nurse said to Dean, “I’ll go get a doctor. He’ll want to speak with you.” Dean nodded as she left, and he was finally alone. 

Except, he wasn’t alone. Cas was there. He was standing now, looking him over, his eyes clouded with worry and restraint, an odd combination.

“Glad to see you’re okay,” Dean said in attempt to fill the heavy silence between them. Cas didn’t move or say anything, just clenched his jaw tightly. “Is Sam around? I need to talk to him about--”

“Why did you do it?” Cas cut him off.

“What?”

“Why did you do it? Offer up your brother for  _ me _ . Why?” 

Dean opened his mouth, searching for an explanation to a question he hadn’t expected, but no sound would come out.

Cas sighed heavily and shook his head. “It wasn’t because we slept together, was it?” Dean’s mouth widened slightly, and he blinked quickly in shock. He didn’t quite understand what Cas was saying.

“What? I don’t--”

“Because that--that didn’t mean anything. It was just... it was a mistake.” Dean frowned, clenching his jaw. Why the fuck was Cas bringing  _ that _ up right now?

“No, it wasn’t--why are you--I don’t know, Cas. You were in trouble, I found a solution. Simple as that.”

Cas frowned, and his jaw pulsed. Dean couldn’t understand why he was acting so weird. Had he dreamt the part about Cas telling the nurses defiantly that he wasn’t leaving his side? Because that Cas was gone. Dean was dealing with the crazy, confusing, and quite frankly,  _ annoying _ Cas again. “But, he’s your brother. Both of you could have gotten killed. I just don’t understand why you would risk your life for someone like me.”

“Someone like you?”

Cas shrugged, and the hardness in his face softened just a smidge. He didn’t explain what he meant, though, just cast his eyes to the floor and shifted side to side on his feet. 

Dean opened his mouth to say something more when the doctor came in. “Ah, good to see you’re awake. I’m Dr. Sherman, how are you feeling?”

Dean tried to sit up a bit more, but his whole body screamed at him not to. He sighed and said, “I’ve been better.”

The doctor nodded in understanding. “I’m sure. Do you remember what happened?” 

“Not really.”

He nodded. “Right, that’s what I was afraid of. I patched up a pretty nasty wound on the back of your head. I was hoping you wouldn’t have any memory loss, but it’s not surprising you do. I’m going to order an MRI, make sure there isn’t any internal damage. I’m not very worried, though. The wound didn’t seem that deep. Your memory should come back after a few days. Do you have any questions?”

Dean shook his head. “No. Thank you.” As much as he cared about his health and as much as he actually  _ did  _ have questions for him, he really just wanted the doctor to leave him and Cas alone. 

Dr. Sherman nodded. “No problem. I’ll go get that MRI ordered, and we’ll get that done as soon as possible.” With that, he left the room, taking comfortable silence with him. 

Cas shifted on his feet in the corner of the room in which he was standing. His face was turned down, and he was staring at the floor. Dean wished he could see his face. Cas huffed out a long breath. “Look, I’m--I’m sorry. I’m not good at... at--this.” He gestured between them. “Talking to people. I mean, I  _ can _ talk to people, but I’m not very good at talking to people about serious things. I just--it’s like my brain just shuts off and leaves my mouth to its own devices. And then I end up saying stupid shit, so I’m sorry. I’m glad you helped me. You saved my life, and I appreciate that. I really,  _ really  _ do. So, just forget everything I said just now, and just know that I’m happy to be alive, and I’m happy you’re alive too.”

Dean didn’t want to let that “someone like me comment” slip, but he also didn’t want Cas to close down again, so he let it drop for now. “It’s okay, Cas.”

Cas finally looked up and shuffled back to the chair next to the bed. He took a seat as he said, “Not really, but what’s done is done, I guess.” It was silent for a moment, and then Cas said, “How are you feeling?”

“Well, everything hurts, and I don’t remember anything... What  _ did _ happen?”

“Um, you showed up at Crowley’s place, and he was pissed your brother wasn’t with you. He set two of his guys on you, and you actually gave ’em a pretty good fight, but one of them knocked you down, and I don’t think you could get back up. You tried, but they didn’t let you.” Cas paused for a moment and then said, “Then, Crowley put a knife to my throat. And he said that he was going to kill me and make you watch. And then he was going to do the same to your brother, and then after all that, he would kill you.”  _ Damn _ , Dean thought,  _ how the hell are we still alive? _ “And then... Next thing you know, we heard a window break and a flash bomb went off, and then tear gas, and then, bam. We’re rescued by the police. And from what I could see, I’m pretty sure that one of Crowley’s guys knocked you out during all the chaos.”

Dean released a sigh of relief. “Well, at least we’re okay... Is Sam around?”

“Oh, uh, he  _ was _ , but I think he went home to take a shower or something. He said he would be back. I snuck in after he left.”

“Did they arrest Crowley?” Dean bounced between topics.

Cas nodded emphatically. “Yeah, it was great. You remember that detective that I talked to after Balthazar?  _ He _ was the one leading the team!”

Dean smiled and laughed softly. “Yeah, I called him right before I went in.”

Cas gasped sarcastically. “Dean, breaking the number one rule of criminal negotiations. Never call the police.”

“If I hadn’t called them, we’d be dead.” 

“All right, I’ll give you that.”

A moment of slightly awkward silence passed between them right before a nurse walked in. “Okay, Mr. Winchester. I need to take you to your MRI.” She started unhooking his IV and heart monitors so that the bed could move. She turned to Cas. “I’m sorry, but by the time we get back, non-familial visiting hours will be over.”

“I should probably go anyway... Take care, Dean.” He paused before adding, “Don’t worry, I’ll teach your classes while you’re gone,” with a smirk. 

Dean rolled his eyes as he watched him leave. He wanted to yell after him,  _ Does that mean you’ll start showing up again? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to go back to updating this fic somewhat regularly (hopefully like once a month or so), but don't quote me on that. I'm a busy, busy girl. I love my readers, though, and I love this fic, so don't worry, I will finish this!!  
> ~thesherlockianwhojustcant


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